Wil Wheaton: You know that the movie actually has a little bit of a cult following.
Penny: Really?
Wil Wheaton: Yeah. I was at a science-fiction convention, and I saw a woman dressed as your half-ape character.
Leonard: Oh, if she was with an Indian guy dressed like a banana, that was just my friends, Howard and Raj.

Wil Wheaton: Hello, caller, you are on with Penny and Wil from Serial Ape-ist 2.
Woman on phone: I don't have a question. I just want to say I'm a big fan of the movie. I've seen it, like, ten times.
Penny: Okay, well, I'll apologize for the first time, but the other nine are on you.

Wil Wheaton: I've just been handed a note. I'm going to read it. "Wil, do you want more Diet Coke? Also, we have juice."
Leonard: I didn't want to interrupt.

Penny: I think I started to suspect it was a bad movie when I looked at the script and saw the title, "Serial Ape-ist 2: Monkey See, Monkey Kill".
Wil Wheaton: Uh, spoiler alert. After the monkey sees, it kills.

Josh: This is a little weird, but a lawyer was trying to contact my father, because his name was still on the title for this house.
Howard: W... uh, who's your father?
Josh: Sam Wolowitz.
Howard: S-Sam Wolowitz is my father.
Josh: I know.
Howard: Well, wait, so if we have the same father... I mean, are you saying you're my half-brother?
Josh: I think so.
Howard: Bernadette, weird things are happening out here!

Howard: Hey, I grew up in this house, okay? No one's knocking anything down.
Bernadette: Okay, okay. *to Raj* When he's at Comic-Con, I'm bringing in a wrecking ball.

Raj: So, Bernadette, have you thought about how you're going to redecorate this place?
Bernadette: You know, I'm thinking ripping up the carpets, maybe lose the wallpaper, all new light fixtures.
Raj: You know, if you knocked out this wall, it would give you an open floor plan, and then-- it's a little scary, but could be fun-- indoor fire pit.

Amy: Well, it applies to you, too.
Sheldon: I was afraid you might bring this up, so I have a work-around. *puts a picture of his face in front of his real face* There you go. As far as you're concerned, I'm smiling. Although, I must admit, I'm smiling a little bit at the moment because this loophole is so brilliant.

Amy: According to the codicil of the Relationship Agreement which you insisted upon, we're not allowed to pout or be moody on date night.
Sheldon: You know I just put that in because of uterus stuff.

Sheldon: Do you think there's a chance that an asteroid could hit the Earth, destroying Feynman's house and everyone in it?
Amy: No, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Well, buckle up. You're in for a cranky night.

Amy: Can you please pass the salt?
Sheldon: Sure. It's not like I was invited to Richard Feynman's house and having anything better to do.
Amy: Is this how the rest of the night's going to be?
Sheldon: I don't know the future.

Penny: So, how many people listen?
Wil Wheaton: Most people download it later, but usually a few thousand people listen live.
Penny: What? A few thousand people listen to you talk about nerd stuff?
Wil Wheaton: Again, right in the ears, straight to the feelings.

Raj: So, how's it going with the title to the house?
Howard: Great, it's all done. The lawyer tracked down my father and got him to sign it over. I didn't have to meet him, I didn't have to talk to him, I don't even know where he is.
Raj: Wow, so you're not curious at all?
Howard: Nope.
Raj: What if he's in prison? What if he's a spy? What if he's in a Beatles cover band? I'm just saying, if he's got your nose and haircut, he'd make a killer Ringo.

Raj: Hey, I got you a little gift.
Bernadette: Oh, that's a lot of Girl Scout Cookies.
Raj: You know me. I'm from India. I can't resist children begging.

Leonard: Well, you can spend the rest of the day being bitter about this--
Sheldon: Agreed.
Leonard: I was going to say "or," but why bother?