Sheldon: A select group of scientists were invited to a weekend symposium at a former home of Richard Feynman, and I wasn't included.
Leonard: Aww. Sheldon, I'm sure it's not because they don't think you're an elite scientist.
Howard: Yeah, I'd bet you anything. It's just because you're a pain in the ass.
Sheldon: You're just saying that to make me feel better.

Sheldon: Well, I'll give you three guesses why I'm so irritated.
Howard: Something happened different from the way you wanted it.
Sheldon: I guess news travels fast.

Howard: Settle this. Those little animated pictures on the Internet, are they called "gifs" or "jifs"?
Leonard: Well, the G stands for "graphics." That's a hard G, so I'd say "gif."
Raj: What? The guy who invented it says it's "jif."
Howard: I'm sorry, do you mean the guy or the juy?

Sheldon: I can see the ranch, Leonard! Oh, it's rustic, it's lovely. I'd take a picture, but people are chasing me. I'm going to make it! I'm going to make it! They have tasers, but they wouldn't dare use-- Aaaaaaah!

Sheldon: Boy, some people are just glass-half-empty.
Leonard: The glass is empty, Sheldon. It's completely empty. If you gave that glass to a man who was dying of thirst, he would be dead. Do you know why?
Sheldon: Before I answer, was he a smoker?

Sheldon: Are you still mad at me?
Leonard: Yes. We missed our lecture, we were almost arrested, and you got me locked in a room with a man who forced his tongue down the throat of a stuffed Wookiee.

Sheldon: There it is. It's just a gate. On a road.
Leonard: It wasn't even that hard to find.

Sheldon: This is so amazing!
Leonard: I know!

Sheldon: I just restocked the old PRK.
Penny: PRK?
Leonard: Public Restroom Kit. Everything a boy needs for making pee-pee in new and strange places.

Sheldon: Amy, the Daleks are right on my tail. Quick, we need to reset the time circuits. Oh no, I left my Sonic Screwdriver behind.
Amy: Really should have thought this through.

Howard: Did you play badminton or sadminton?

Bernadette: Don't listen to him. All she's got is a serve. Now grab a fresh tampon and put her away.

Bernadette: You know, Amy, I can't help but wonder how Sheldon would react if the TARDIS was at your place.
Howard: Don't listen to her. Just hit the ball.
Amy: Keep talking.

Bernadette: If this doesn't get him in to your bedroom, nothing will.

Sheldon: And, for all the times you find me irritating, today you got to watch someone shoot me with a taser.
Leonard: That part was pretty good.
Sheldon: See.
Leonard: You did flop around a lot.
Sheldon: I'll take your word for it. I was too busy trying not to defecate.

Howard: You know, I thought our friendship meant more to you.
Raj: So did I.