Howard: There's no way this is sixty feet.
Bernadette: I'm looking at it!
Howard: You realize this isn't one of those times I want you to exaggerate how long something is.

Leonard: I've seen you guys ignore each other for hours, doing totally different things.
Sheldon: It's called parallel play.
Leonard: Yeah, toddlers do that.
Sheldon: Not as well as we do.

Sheldon: If you've got a problem basing a relationship on a contract, I'd like to tell you about thirteen plucky colonies that entered a relationship agreement called the U.S. constitution. And it may not be cool to say so, but I think that love affair's still pretty hot today.

Raj: You suck, Wolowitz!
Howard: What's that about?
Raj: I'm heckling you. It's a beloved part of baseball.
Sheldon: He's right. And given that you're probably still waiting to be picked for a game that was played in fifth grade, I'm sure you do suck.

Penny: Hey, what's going on?
Leonard: Baseball.
Penny: Okay, that's not what I meant when I said go outside and play.

Penny: You guys are going out two nights in a row?
Sheldon: I missed a number of date nights while I was on my train trip, and I'm contractually obligated to make them up under the terms of the relationship agreement.
Penny: That's so hot.
Amy: It's better than hot, it's binding!

Amy: After a lively debate, that motion passed by a 2-0 margin.
Leonard: It's nice to see a busy couple keep the spark of bureaucracy alive.

Sheldon: Ignore them, Amy. They're just jealous because they'll never have a relationship as good as ours.
Penny: Isn't this when he says "bazooka" or something?

Sheldon: You shot your spit in my mouth!
Howard: Is that gonna be on the test? Because I don't think I can do that again.

Amy: Hey, girlfriend. Can I get a what what?
Penny: What?
Amy: Close enough. I was just calling to see what you were up to tonight. I thought maybe we could head up Color Me Mine, maybe sneak in some Pinot Gris- what evs.

Sheldon: Can't talk. Spit ball. Probably gonna die.

Leonard: Sheldon, I promise, your uvula does not have an STD.
Sheldon: Are you sure? It just doesn't feel as innocent as it used to.

Howard: You reported me to human resources?
Sheldon: You violated the sanctity of my mouth.

Raj: Oh, you bought cookies?
Sheldon: Yes, fig newtons. I was going to ask which scientist both helped to discover calculus and had a famous cookie named after him. And then after someone said Newton, I was going to tell them they're wrong. The cookies are named after a town in Massachusetts. And then I'd throw the cookies away.

Howard: Sheldon, I'm more than smart enough to take your class.
Sheldon: *Laughs* No.