Bernadette: You know, Amy, I can't help but wonder how Sheldon would react if the TARDIS was at your place.
Howard: Don't listen to her. Just hit the ball.
Amy: Keep talking.

Bernadette: She sounds really mad.
Howard: We should hang up.
Bernadette: Yeah, we should.
Howard: But we're not going to, are we?
Bernadette: Not a chance.
Howard: What happened to snooping is wrong?
Bernadette: Eh, we're already going to jail for tax fraud, who cares.

Leonard: It seems a shame to throw it away.
Penny: Yeah. We could give it to Sheldon and tell him William Shatner painted it.
Leonard: God, I love you. I love you so much.

Stuart: Some son! Looks like you spent ten minutes on that clown art.
Howard: Well, maybe I should have gone to a fancy art school like you, then I could run a failed comic shop and mooch off some guy's mother.

Leonard: Why a turtle?
Sheldon: After much deliberation, we've determined that a turtle is the ideal pet. They don't shed fur. They don't make noise.
Amy: For Halloween, we can dress him as a cobble stone.
Sheldon: And, if he ever goes beserk, I know I can out run him. Coincidentally that's also why I chose you as a roommate.

Penny: Okay, instead of protecting me, why don't you try being excited when something good happens?
Leonard: I'm always excited for you. I'm excited that you found this new job where you're making decent money.
Penny: Decent? I make twice what you make.
Leonard: Wait, twice?
Penny: Yeah.
Leonard: Like times two, twice?

Sheldon: Is it my fault I have a much bigger reputation than he does?
Amy: It's not your fault.
Sheldon: Is it my fault that my name came first on the paper alphabetically?
Amy: Not your fault.
Sheldon: Is it my fault that when the reporter cited me as the lead scientist, I didn't correct him?
Amy: Hey look at that pretty bird.

Howard: Certainly a lot more women are reading comics now.
Stuart: True. At the store, I had to put a seat on the toilet.

Sheldon: How about this one?
Amy: He's barely moving. He looks half dead.
Sheldon: I know. I like him too.

Penny: Hang on. You guys are going to work in a mine?
Sheldon: Why not?
Penny: You had a panic attack when we went through the car wash!

Leonard: You wrote a paper on my idea?
Sheldon: I wrote a paper on our idea.
Leonard: When did my idea become our idea?
Sheldon: When I mixed it with Sheldony goodness and cooked it in the Easy Bake oven of my mind.

Howard: I think you broke the dowels. You're not gonna have time to glue it back on. You'll have to nail it.
Raj: With what?
Howard: Does she have any pillows or wine glasses?
Raj: She does.
Howard: Great. Neither of those. Try a hammer!
Raj: Did that feel good? You feel like a big man now?

Howard: Oh, man. This is the boutineer from my high school prom. A piece of cake from my Bar Mitzvah.
Bernadette: Did she throw anything away?
Howard: No. If I find my foreskin, I'm gonna kill myself.

Howard: Why don't you just clean out the whole room? Take the string-art clown I made her in third grade. And the ribbon I got in swim class for putting my face in the water.

Sheldon: I didn't care for her yelling, but now that I'm not going to hear it again, I'm sad.
Leonard: If you want, I can yell at you later.
Sheldon: It won't be as good.