Raj: You here looking for money?
Josh: No.
Raj: A kidney, cornea, piece of his liver?
Josh: No.
Raj: You're in a Beatles cover band and you need Howard to replace your dad as Ringo.

Sheldon: Play that funky music, white boy.
Leonard: I'm surprised you know that reference.
Sheldon: What reference?

Amy: Think about it. If we had a family there, our kids would be martians.
Sheldon: They would, wouldn't they? We could give them cool martian names. We could teach them about martian history, like who planted those flags or where'd that copy of Mars Attacks come from.

Amy: I suppose being the first people on a new planet would be incredibly exciting.
Sheldon: I know. We could be the first to plant a flag on Mars.
We could be the first to watch Mars Attacks on Mars.
We could be the first to say "Good lord, what on Mars are you talking about?"

Stuart: Some son! Looks like you spent ten minutes on that clown art.
Howard: Well, maybe I should have gone to a fancy art school like you, then I could run a failed comic shop and mooch off some guy's mother.

Penny: Leonard, why are you making such a big deal out of this? So our roles have changed a bit over the last couple of years. That's the way life is. And I'm sure, in time, they'll change again.
Leonard: Great. Not only are you more successful than me. Now you're more mature.

Sheldon: The correct animal for inter-species super soldier is the koala. You would wind up with an army so cute, it couldn't be attacked.

Leonard: Wow, Donkey Kong. This was my game when I was a kid.
Sheldon: Because it's a story of a pretty blonde girl tirelessly pursued by a small oddly-shaped man?

Sheldon: *singing in the tune of "Eye of the Tiger"* It's the eye of the tiger, it's the ear of the bat. It's the whiskers of a catfish and the walrus--
Howard: Hang on. Not that your song isn't terrible-- it is... but how do you mention bats and leave out sonar?
Sheldon: You didn't let me finish. *singing* And also regarding the bat. It has sonar.

Leonard: Will you stay out of this?
Sheldon: If only Penny had said that once in a while.

Sheldon: Wow, I don't know which hurts more. My nose or my heart.

Penny: I love him, but if he's broken, let's not get a new one.

Bernadette: Speaking of new careers, how are things going with dark matter, Sheldon?
Sheldon: Oh, I have to say it's the most exciting time in the history of the field.
Bernadette: Oh, what's going on?
Sheldon: I started doing it.

Sheldon: Leonard, as soon as we get home, I want to have coitus with Amy. [checks for Amy's reaction] Okay, she can't hear.

Sheldon: Hi little guy. How'd you like to come home with us? You'll be living with me, because we don't live in the same house.
Amy: But that's not your fault. Like you, we're taking it ridiculously slow. You'll stay with me when he's away for Comic-Con or with work.
Sheldon: Or if they accept daddy's application to live on Mars.