Leonard: Uh, bad news. The matre D' said it's gonna be at least an hour.
Penny: An hour? What? That's crazy. We have a reservation.
Leonard: I know.
Penny: So what did you say?
Leonard: "Thanks, sorry to bother you." But I said it like a badass.
Penny: All right, well, can't you, like, slip him some money or something?
Leonard: Really? I've never done that before. Does it work?
Penny: Do people like money - is that what you're asking?
Leonard: A lot of attitude from the woman who thought MC squared was a rapper.
Penny: Now, is that a smart thing to say on a holiday that's basically national sex night?
Leonard: I'm sorry. You're pretty, I'm stupid.

Amy: Consider tonight's episode a Valentine's Day gift for you, our viewers.
Sheldon: It's also my gift to you. That was clear, right? 'Cause you're not getting anything else.

Amy: Since we're live, you'll finally be able to reach out to us with your flag thoughts and flag questions.
Sheldon: Allow us to answer a few quick ones that we get all the time. Uh, yes, I really am a doctor. Uh, yes, she really is my girlfriend.
Amy: No, I just blink a lot, it's not Morse code for "rescue me."

Bernadette: It's not moving, but I think it's still alive.
Howard: Well, should we put it back in there a few minutes?

Howard: Um, "taking care of an injured rabbit." Okay, make sure it's comfortable and warm. Well, it was just in a hot tub. I'm gonna say check.

Penny: This is ridiculous. You know, I'm gonna go talk to the matre d'.
Leonard: What are you gonna say?
Penny: I don't know. I'm ... I'm gonna flirt with him.
Leonard: I don't know if I'm comfortable with that.
Penny: I'm still sleeping with you tonight.
Leonard: See if you can get a table by the window.

Raj: No, Sheldon's right. Emily did say I always talk about my feelings too much.
Sheldon: I suppose that could be a legitimate concern in a relationship. Uh, perhaps even a red flag. And speaking of red flags, check out this sexy number from the former Soviet Union. Hubba, hubba.

Howard: He's not showing any symptoms. I guess I'll just go to the emergency room to be safe.
Bernadette: Howie, this is just your hypochondria.
Howard: No, when I sat on the mute button and thought I'd gone deaf, that was my hypochondria.

Sheldon: Well, you know, here is something that might cheer you up. The flag of the Isle of Man is nothing but three legs sharing a weird pair of underpants, so ... you think you got problems.

Amy: I have an idea. Maybe someone in our audience would be interested in meeting Rajesh. Ladies, I can attest that he is a kind, handsome, intelligent -
Raj: Rich parents! Don't forget, rich parents!
Amy: -spoiled astrophysicist who not only...

Leonard: Let's see. What's young and fun? Uh, we could go dancing.
Penny: Are you actually gonna dance? Of course.
Penny: Yeah, no one wants to see that. Hey, how about skinny dipping at the beach?
Leonard: No, I don't need any fish nibbling my business.
Penny: Oh, there's a screening of Moulin Rouge! I heard the crowd sings along and stuff.
Leonard: That sounds fun. When's it start?
Penny: Midnight.
Leonard: Midnight, really? You know what? Let's do it.
Penny: Okay, great! Oh, wait. Uh, it's sold out.
Leonard: Oh, thank God.
Penny: Yes!

Bernadette: If you're really worried, we'll take him to the vet and have him tested. Good.
Howard: Thank you. Oh, okay, there is a test! All they have to do is ... cut off his head and check his brain.
Bernadette: Oh, cut off his head? That's where his little nose is.

Sheldon: Raj, now, I'm sorry you're suffering. When Amy and I were broken up, I also suffered. And this may sound surprising, but I'm grateful for having gone through it.
Amy: Really?
Sheldon: Yes. I believe our relationship now is stronger than ever.
Amy: So do I.
Sheldon: When we were apart, I learned how important you are to me. And I realize that when two people are in love, sometimes they-

Sheldon: Did you know the singular of confetti is "confetto"?
Amy: Interesting, and when would you use the singular?
Sheldon: I'm glad you asked. Amy, you have a confetto in your nose. No, no, no, no. Other side. There you go.

Sheldon: Please, all comments and questions should be flag-related.
Barry Kripke: All right. Is my pole flag-related?
Sheldon: I don't see why not.