Leonard: It says right here on Wikipedia, "A Mexican standoff is a confrontation between at least three parties."
Sheldon: How can you trust Wikipedia if they use "between" to refer to three parties?
Dealer: They should've used "among," right?
Sheldon: Or "amongst," if they were feeling whimsically archaic.
Dealer: All right, enough with the chitchat. Are we gonna watch Ernest Goes to Jail or not?
Sheldon: Absolutely. But don't be surprised if this movie sets you on the straight and narrow.
Dealer: I am open to change.

Leonard: Hey, ready for lunch?
Howard: Oh, one sec.
Sheldon: Is that the prototype drive system for the high-G rover?
Howard: No, Bernadette got me a Fitbit so she can track how much I'm exercising.
Leonard: That'll teach her to care about your health.
Howard: Yeah, I can't wait to see the look on her face when I die young.

Raj: When was the last actual exercise you got?
Howard: The other day when she tried to put that Fitbit on me and I ran away from her.

Sheldon: According to a recent study, simply thinking about exercise, even while sitting still, can have physical benefits. For all you know, I could be exercising right now.
Raj: Are you?
Sheldon: Na, I'll do it tomorrow.

Leonard: Look at all these activities the university has. Rock climbing club, archery, flag football.
Sheldon: Had me at flag, lost me at football.

Penny: I think it's great you guys want to get more exercise, but do you really think sports is the right choice for you?
Leonard: What are you saying? We're not coordinated enough to play sports?
Penny: Okay, Leonard, sweetheart, you twisted your ankle playing Scrabble.
Leonard: I got a triple-word score with a double letter Q. If that's not a time to bust out the Scrabble dance, what's the point of having one?

Leonard: Barry Kripke started a fencing club.
Sheldon: Interesting. Sword fighting does hold a certain elegant appeal. And I would imagine it meets many of our personal criteria for a sport.
Leonard: It's indoors, so no sunscreen.
Sheldon: No throwing, no catching, no running.
Leonard: No gym shorts that can be yanked down.
Sheldon: Or worse, up.
Leonard: Preach.

Sheldon: And as an added bonus, the word touche comes from fencing. It would be our only opportunity to use it in a non-metaphorical sense.
Leonard: What about a game of tag on a French school yard?
Sheldon: Ah, touche.

Bernadette: So how can we help?
Stuart: Well, I know more women are buying comics than ever, but for some reason, I can't get 'em in here.
Penny: All right. Well, what have you tried so far?
Stuart: Uh, I've been stocking more female-oriented titles. In the bathroom, I folded the end of the toilet paper into a triangle. And, uh, you are now sitting in the official breastfeeding area.

Raj: I feel cool. Like Puss in Boots.
Leonard: I always wanted to be a swashbuckler when I was a kid.
Sheldon: Technically, swashbuckler is a combination of two terms. Swash referring to the sound of the sword. Swash. And then buckler, meaning a small shield, which you don't have.
Raj: We can still be swashers.
Howard: Hmm, well said, Puss.

Barry Kripke: Gentlemen, welcome to the fencing club. Before we start, I just want to warn you, fencing isn't a joke. I hope you're not here because you think it's going to be like Star Wars.
Leonard: That's not why we're here.
Raj: Yeah, I'm here because I think it's gonna be like Game of Thrones.
Howard: And maybe a little Princess Bride.
Raj: Ooh, ooh! I forgot about Princess Bride! That's my answer!

Barry Kripke: Well, sorry to disappoint you, but fencing is a serious sport. If you're not willing to put in the effort, you might as well just leave now.
Sheldon: We're not afraid of physical activity.
Howard: Yeah, I already ran 18 miles today.

Howard: When you're in a public restroom, which foot do you flush the toilet with?
Sheldon: Right. Always right.
Howard: He's a righty.

Sheldon: Excuse me, Barry?
Barry Kripke: Yes?
Sheldon: When can I stab one of my friends?
Barry Kripke: In fencing, we don't call it a stab. We call it a touch.
Sheldon: Uh, yes, I'm aware. But if I say I want to touch one of my friends, I'll get called into Human Resources.

Amy: Have you thought about advertising directly to females?
Stuart: Hmm, okay. Well, all right. What if I put up a sign in the window that said, "Women, come in. Don't be afraid."?