Penny: How long have I had spinach in my teeth?
Beverly: Since the airport, dear.

Bernadette: So, Beverly, did you know Penny is the number three sales rep at our pharmaceutical company?
Beverly: Oh, I didn't realize you two worked together.
Bernadette: Well, we don't exactly. I'm a microbiologist for the research team.
Beverly: Oh, what are you currently developing?
Bernadette: Some exciting new anti-anxiety drugs.
Beverly: That's interesting. I just attended a lecture on pediatric anxiety.
Amy: Oh, was it, uh, Dr. Janofski? I just saw his TED Talk.
Beverly: It was.
Bernadette: Well, let's get back to Penny. Hey, weren't you telling me something great about your company car?
Penny: Um, it has seat warmers.

Raj: Boy, all this standing's making me tired. Good thing I brought my collapsible stick chair.
Howard: Not the stick chair. You look like an idiot on that thing.
Raj: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chairs on sticks are comfy.

Penny: You know, being in a relationship with Leonard also comes with its challenges.
Beverly: Yes. Well, what can you do?

Amy: Do you realize it took me five years to get a massage from him?
Beverly: Oh, well, that still could be a big step for Sheldon.
Amy: Three minutes. And he used a kitchen timer. I felt like a soft-boiled egg.

Penny: You know, she's my mother-in-law. Why can't I bond with her like that?
Bernadette: Amy's with Sheldon, who she loves like a son. You're with her son, who she doesn't.

Amy: You know, just when I think we're making progress in our relationship, we revert to our old patterns where thoughts and feelings go unexpressed. I mean, if he didn't want to go shopping with me, why didn't he just say so?
Beverly: Maybe he couldn't get a word in edgewise.

Amy: I'm sorry, I've been going on and on.
Beverly: Oh, it's all right, dear. Sheldon has a brilliant and complicated mind. It's understandable that being in a relationship with him could be trying.
Amy: I called him babe once. He asked me to get a drug test.

Howard: We've waited in a lot of lines together, havent we?
Sheldon: Remember when we camped out for the Doctor Who panel at Comic-Con?
Raj: Yeah, sleeping under the stars with other fans who love the show as much as we do.
Leonard: Waking up, wondering which one of those fans stole our wallets.

Sheldon: Stuart, what are you doing here?
Stuart: Sheldon, you are the most inconsiderate person I have ever met in my entire life. Where do you get off sending me to shop with your girlfriend?
Sheldon: I don't understand. You were happy to do this when I hired you. Why are you upset with me now?
Stuart: Oh, I'm not upset with you. But Amy's pretty bent out of shape, so she hired me to let you have it.
Sheldon: Well, I suppose turnabout is fair play.
Stuart: You're darn right it's fair play, you selfish jerk.

Amy: Hold on. He paid you to get out of spending time with me?
Stuart: No, it's not like that. There's a long line he'd rather stand in. So what are we doing? Old Navy, Build-A-Bear? I get paid either way.
Amy: We're not going shopping together.
Stuart: You sure? I'm happy to hold your bag. And Sheldon gave me money for a hotdog on a stick.
Amy: Can you understand why I might be annoyed right now?
Stuart: Look, lady, I just work here.

Penny: Hey, listen, what if we have a little mother-in-law, daughter-in-law dinner tonight?
Beverly: So just the two of us?
Penny: Or I invite a few girlfriends, 'cause hearing you say the two of us just sent a chill right down my spine.

Amy: What are you doing here? You're not Sheldon.
Stuart: I thought that might come up. Sheldon hired me to go shopping with you.

Penny: Wow. Didn't even make it out of the parking lot. Uh, you know what, enough about Leonard. Let's talk about you. What would you like to do while you're here?
Beverly: Dear, I'm a psychiatrist. You don't have to avoid having intimate conversations with me.
Penny: Well, I'd actually like for us to be close, but maybe we start with our favourite books and work our way up to my husband's sex organs.
Beverly: Very well. What's the last book you read?
Penny: Um, does Pottery Barn, Spring count?

Beverly: Penny, it's only natural to want your mother-in-law to like you, and I acknowledge I can be an intimidating person. So what can I do to make this process easier for you?
Penny: Uh, for starters, maybe you can not psychoanalyze everything I say?
Beverly: And how does it make you feel when I psychoanalyze everything you say?
Penny: Uncomfortable.
Beverly: That was a joke, dear.
Penny: Oh. Sorry. Didn't know you made those.