Leonard: When's the screening?
Raj: Uh, it's tonight, but it's first-come, first-served, so we should probably get there early and wait in line.
Howard: Let's do it.
Leonard: Penny's busy with my mother, so Im in.
Sheldon: Oh, bad news. Amy's making me go shopping with her later, so looks like none of us can go.
Leonard: You do realize were allowed to have fun without you?
Howard: In fact, that's usually the trick to it.

Beverly: I'm not surprised Leonard chose to avoid picking me up. He's battled intimacy issues his whole life. Does he have difficulty maintaining erections?

Howard: If you really care that much, there are apps now that'll let you hire people to do stuff like errands and wait in lines.
Stuart: People are actually waiting in lines as a job? Boy, makes me feel better about my life.
Howard: Some of these guys make over $20 an hour.
Stuart: And now I feel worse again.

Sheldon: You're really going without me?
Leonard: It's not a big deal. Go shopping with Amy, and we'll save a spot in line for you.
Sheldon: You don't have the authority to save places in the line. If I do that, I'll be cutting.
Leonard: People do it all the time.
Sheldon: You know the golden rule of line etiquette. No cuts, no buts, no coconuts.

Raj: Did you guys see there's an Avengers screening? Joss Whedon's gonna show some deleted scenes and do a question and answer session.
Sheldon: Oh, well, I have a few questions for him about the last Avengers movie, and a whole lot of answers.

Sheldon: All right, back to learning.
Penny: Okay.
Sheldon: Oh, easy. Bill Nye the Science Guy.
Penny: Or as I know him?
Sheldon: Creepy old dude from Dancing with the Stars.
Penny: Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

Penny: Fine, if you really want me to, I will pick your mom up.
Leonard: Seriously?
Penny: Yeah, you know what, she is my mother-in-law and I'd like for us to have a good relationship.
Leonard: That is very mature of you. So I'm gonna go ahead and say, suckah.

Penny: You really want me to pick up your mother all by myself?
Leonard: Hmm, I just feel like it would be a good chance for you to bond.
Penny: Or a way for you to avoid her?
Leonard: I don't know what he's putting on those cards, but you are smarter than ever.

Sheldon: Why don't you want to get your mother from the airport?
Leonard: Well, I can do without the 40-minute car ride where she criticizes every aspect of my life.
Sheldon: She can cover it in a car ride? I could do 40 minutes on your posture alone.

Leonard: Oh, hey, Penny, do you want to go to the airport with me later to pick up my mother?
Penny: Sure.
Leonard: Thanks.
Penny: No problem.
Leonard: Hey, Penny, um, since you're already gonna be at the airport, do I need to go?

Leonard: What are you guys doing?
Sheldon: Oh, well, we decided to use our breakfast time to expand our respective knowledge bases.
Leonard: Oh, let me try.
Penny: Okay.
Leonard: Hmm. Atom of hydrogen. Adam of Maroon 5. Mic drop.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, who is Mike Drop?

Penny: Oh, that's a Venn Diagram, and I remember because I thought to myself, "Venn is he gonna stop talking about this diagram?"

Penny: Helium.
Sheldon: Yes.
Penny: Yes.
Sheldon: Taylor Swift.
Penny: Yes. Pi.
Sheldon: Yes. Kardashian.
Penny: More specific.
Sheldon: Khloe?
Penny: Yes.
Sheldon: See, I remembered because if it looks like Kim it's Kim, if it looks kind of like Kim it's Kourtney, and if it looks nothing like Kim it's Khloe.

Leonard: Hey, did you ever think about the military applications for the guidance system?
Sheldon: Of course.
Leonard: Does it bother you?
Sheldon: No, it did at first. But then I talked it through with Frank and Alicia, and they really helped put things into perspective.
Leonard: Who are these people?
Sheldon: Leonard, friends are like toilet paper. It's good to have extras under the sink.

Leonard: Morning.
Sheldon: Morning.
Leonard: Ugh, too much wine.
Sheldon: Oh, I overdid it myself last night. Hair of the dog.