Raj: No, Sheldon's right. Emily did say I always talk about my feelings too much.
Sheldon: I suppose that could be a legitimate concern in a relationship. Uh, perhaps even a red flag. And speaking of red flags, check out this sexy number from the former Soviet Union. Hubba, hubba.

Howard: Son of a bitch! He bit me!
Bernadette: Are you okay?
Howard: No, I'm not okay! Wild rabbits can have rabies!
Bernadette: Oh. Well, why did you put your finger near its mouth?
Howard: Poor judgment, obviously.
Bernadette: He's so little. I'm sure it's fine.
Howard: How can it be fine? I just got attacked by a clearly anti-Semitic wild animal.

Bernadette: Yeah, it's all real exciting.
Penny: Are-are you not happy about this?
Bernadette: I am. Of course I am. I'm sure it's just the hormones. But it's weird. Howie's the one who's been talking about having kids for years, and I was all excited to tell him because I thought he'd be thrilled, but then he started to flip out and now this feels like a bad idea and I'm gonna get fat.
Penny: No, no, come on. Come on, you're not gonna get fat. You're gonna be beautiful and glowing and have the cutest little baby bump ever.
Bernadette: Easy for you to say, skinny bitch.

Leonard: Can you focus on what we're talking about?
Sheldon: All right. Look, now, this may be the rum talking, but as long as the unpinning rate of the vortices is kept within 1.1 and 1.3, the Magnus force issue should be negligible.
Raj: Even drunk, he's still smarter than all of us.
Sheldon: And stronger. Yeah, who wants to see me beat up the bartender?
Leonard: I'd enjoy that.
Sheldon: Nah, she's a good kid.

Sheldon: Is Penny crying?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Of course not. They thrive on our suffering.

Sheldon: You brought me my comic books when I wasn't feeling well. That was thoughtful.
And I was insensitive. I'm sorry.
Stuart: Thank you, Sheldon. I appreciate that.
Sheldon: And I want you to know that I mean it, you know? This isn't me just wanting to go on the trip to Las Vegas.
Stuart: What trip to Las Vegas?
Sheldon: The one everyone's taking this weekend on the party bus.
Stuart: Of course. I wasn't invited.
Sheldon: That would be my understanding. On a less painful subject, what size T-shirt do you take?

Penny: Look at that. I'm in a movie, my shirt stayed on.

Howard: You could put it in a satellite or a rocket, and it'll run forever.
Zack: Cool. Could it be used for missiles and war stuff?
Howard: Yeah, but we didn't create it for weapons.
Leonard: And I doubt the military would be interested in our little guidance system.
Zack: Is it better than the one they use now?
Howard: A lot.
Leonard: Way better.
Zack: Huh. You sure you guys are smart?

Leonard: How is my day-old marriage falling apart becoming about you two?
Raj: Hang on. (To Howard) What do I need to do to make you trust me?
Howard: You think it's hard having one wife? Try having two!

Howard: I'm not saying anything bad. Just that she was in love with her captor and somehow managed to escape from his dark and crazy dungeon.

Sheldon: The way I see it, there's a simple solution. Your lips had a dalliance with the lips of another woman. It seems only logical that to restore balance to the relationship, you should find another man and dally with him. And by dally, I mean some hardcore mouth-on-mouth action.

Howard: And you have every right to be mad about those things, so why don't you let me handle the credit card bill for this month? Don't even look at it.

Howard: Leonard, wait.
Leonard: What?
Howard: I'd like to Spongebob her Squarepants.
Raj: Now we are done.

Raj: Hey, Leonard. When you're done, we came up with a bunch more.

Penny: Sometimes I worry you're going to wake up and leave me for someone more like you.
Leonard: I don't even understand why you're with someone like me. Why would I want to be with someone like me?
Penny: You know what I mean. And maybe the way I've been reacting was me sabotaging this, too.