Mary Cooper: Oh, what's going on?
Sheldon: She broke up with me.
Mary Cooper: Oh, Shelly.
Sheldon: Well, I'll be okay. But I think I'd like to send the ring back to you.
Mary Cooper: Let's not be hasty. Are you sure it's over for good?
Sheldon: It's over for me. I'm done with women. Like when I swore off Pop Rocks, they both hurt you on purpose.

Leonard: Look, I may not have been entirely faithful, but you, you are not easy to lift.

Raj: I can't believe you made out with Mandy Chow.
Leonard: Oh, trust me I wish it never happened.
Raj: And you knew about this the whole time?
Howard: I did.
Raj: And you didn't think to tell me?
Howard: Leonard asked me to keep it to myself.
Raj: Let's leave Leonard out of this for the moment. This is about you and me.

Leonard: Are we done?
Raj: Not yet. This is fun.
Ooh, I know. I'd let her free my willy.

Leonard: You'd think I'd be used to women withholding their love. My mother did. No matter how hard I tried, she just didn't have any interest in me.
Mandy: Imagine that.

Leonard: Sheldon, can you believe that we're driving in a van that was owned by one of the greatest scientific minds of the 20th century?
It's like the Batmobile. If Batman was real and a physicist and his car wasn't cool.

Bernadette: Seriously? You brought Raj over to take your side?
Raj: Your dad's on your side.
Bernadette: He's not on my side. He's doing all the work for free.
Raj: That is so generous of you. I'd like to switch sides.

Amy: If we're friends, we should be able to talk about anything.
Sheldon: All right.
Amy: So, you had some questions about me seeing other people.
Sheldon: Just a few.
Amy: Go ahead.
Sheldon: How many dates have you been on? Who were they with? Where'd you go? Where did you meet them? Did you sleep with them? And how much longer to the aquarium? I'm getting kind of hungry.

Elon Musk: Here you go.
Howard: Thanks.
You got to be kidding me.
Elon Musk: Sorry?
Howard: You're Elon Musk.
Elon Musk: I am.
Howard: What are you doing here?
Elon Musk: I'm washing dishes. Well, I was on the turkey line, but I got demoted for being too generous with the gravy.

Leonard: What do you think about giving Sheldon's ticket to Stuart?
Raj: I don't know. Have you ever seen a movie with Stuart before?
Howard: It's like going with your grandpa. Instead of eating popcorn, he brings little pieces of chicken in Tupperware and a Thermos full of soup.

Stuart: Well, that's it.
Bernadette: I guess so.
Stuart: This is weird.
Howard: Yeah, a grown man moving into his own apartment. Crazy times. See ya!
Bernadette: Ignore him. He's just using humor to express how ... happy he is.
Stuart: It's okay. I know he loves me.
Bernadette: Sure he does.

Sheldon: Oh, my goodness, she's coming to visit!
Leonard: Oh, it'll be nice to finally meet her.
Sheldon: Oh, you are going to love her. She is the kindest, sweetest woman you'll ever meet. Yeah, unless you're a gopher digging up her vegetable garden. In that case, you can expect to have your head bashed in with a shovel.

Sheldon: Look, let's all let's remain calm and analyze this situation. Now, I realize that you've only known each other for less than a day, but is it possible this crankiness is because your cycles have synced?
Meemaw: You leave the room and let the grown-ups talk. Now!
Amy: Don't speak to him like he's a child.
Sheldon: Thank you. Now, I'm gonna go next door and play with Leonard.

Meemaw: Young lady, if you think I don't know what it's like to live with a stubborn, egotistical man, then you're wrong. 'Cause that was my husband.
Amy: Really?
Meemaw: There were days I wanted to fill his pockets with corn and toss him in the pigpen.

Howard: Sorry, Bernie and I are breaking in the new hot tub, if you know what I mean.
Sheldon: Not a clue.