Howard: And I wish Leonard never told me. He's the bad guy here.
Bernadette: I guess that's true.
Howard: And you let Penny marry him. Compared to that, who cares if I bought a George Clooney limited edition Manscaping kit.

Leonard: Hi, I'm calling about your marriage counselling services and I was curious what your rate is.
Really?
Uhm, okay, is there any kind of discount for length of marriage? We're talking hours here.

Penny: Look, I'm sorry I said I was okay with everything before we got married. I hate that we're going through this, but I don't know what to do.
Leonard: If you don't mind waiting for a Groupon, we can try marriage counselling.

Sheldon: Hello.
Leonard: Hey, buddy, can we have some privacy?
Sheldon: Of course. Wouldn't want to intrude. (takes red bra out of his pocket and hands it to Penny) This is yours.
Penny: Okay, when I'm done with him, I'm gonna need more information.
Sheldon: Nothing odd. I just wanted to rub Amy's nose in it.

Sheldon: Forgive me for eavesdropping, but as I see it there's a simple solution.
Leonard: Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!

Leonard: I'm not being weird. Am I being weird?
Sheldon: Yes. And that's coming from me.

Leonard: How many times do I have to tell you, I have no interest in this woman.
Penny: Yeah, well maybe she has interest in you.
Sheldon: In Leonard? Oh, even the Sparkletts guy could see that's unlikely.

Penny: What do you think?
Bernadette: I don't know what to think, but then I just found out about it.

Penny: Am I being naive?
Bernadette: I don't know. This is all so new to me. I'm still processing.

Bernadette: If you think about it, without you he never would have grown into the person he is now. I mean sure, more women may notice him, but I think it's better to have a guy be with you because he wants to be, and not because he doesn't think he has any other choice.
Penny: I never thought about it like that.
Bernadette: Me neither. Not until just now.

Sheldon: Hello, I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper, and welcome to Sheldon Cooper presents Fun with Flags. You may notice that I'm holding a remote control. That's because my camera person and co-host, Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler, has chosen to end her relationship with me.
I'm going to pause here to let that sink in.
Okay. If you need to pause a little longer, just click the pause button.

Sheldon: Thankfully all the things my girlfriend used to do can be taken care of with my right hand.

Sheldon: Tonight's theme: Flags of countries that have been torn apart, and the women I have a feeling were responsible.

Howard: Why are marine biologists always so cute?
Raj: I don't know, but I'd like to get lost in her Bermuda triangle.

Leonard: That's not helpful.
Howard: Then I won't say I'd like to cover three quarters of her surface area.