Howard: You know, I thought our friendship meant more to you.
Raj: So did I.

Sheldon: How many women have you had dates with?
Raj: Eleven.
Sheldon: How many of those women did you think would become your perfect companion?
Raj: Eleven.
Raj: Wait, do I count the 200lb Sailor Moon girl that Howard and I had a threesome with at Comic-Con?
Sheldon: Sure.
Raj: I'll stick with eleven. She liked Howard better.

Dr. Koothrappali: Tilt up the camera, I'm looking at his crotch.
Raj: Sorry, Papa!
Dr. Koothrappali: Oh, there's much better. Hi.

Raj: That is one tough birdie.

Rajesh: Why don't we do it your way then? We'll arrange for this girl to move in across the hall from Dennis so he can pathetically moon over her for months on end.
Leonard: Okay, that was uncalled for.
Rajesh: You started it, dude.

Leonard: This is our year, with those guys out, the entire Physics Bowl will kneel before Zod.
Penny: Zod?
Howard: Kryptonian villain, long story.
Raj: Good story. (Covers his mouth upon realizing he spoke to Penny sober)

Raj: I'm a lamb!

Raj: This is not over!

Doctor Wolcott: Well, um, I don't normally allow strangers into my house.
Raj: But when you do, you-you let them out, right?

Bert: I made a huge mistake.
Raj: No, you didn't. Okay? Look, Bert, when I had money, I dated lots of girls who weren't right for me. And then I gave up my money, and now I'm alone, and living with my friends, and somebody else should probably talk now.

Raj: Why can't you just be happy for me?
Howard: Because you're being dumb. You don't know anything about her.
Raj: Well, how come you all get to be married and I have to stay single?
Howard: I think that's a question for a licensed professional.
Raj: You know what, you're not just insulting me. Okay? You're insulting my family, my culture and my future bride, Anu, a vegetarian with a master's degree from Cornell whose favorite fruit is pineapple.

Howard: I wish we looked as cool dancing in the clubs as we do right now.
Leonard: Don't worry, this is exactly how you look when you're dancing in clubs.
Raj: You're welcome, ladies.

Howard: Oh, man. This is really happening. You doin' okay?
Bernadette: Here comes another contraction.
Stuart: Let's pick it up!
Raj: All right, hold on. I'm gonna drive like we do in India. (honking the horn) Get out of my way, you syphilitic dogs!
Howard: Stop that! This isn't India.
Raj: Fine. What do one point three billion people know about having babies?

Raj: Would you look at this? I paid twenty five dollars to some kid on eBay for a handcrafted Harry Potter wand. He sent me a stick. He went into his backyard, he picked up a stick.
Howard: It's numbered.
Raj: Ooh, limited edition. Nice.

Anu: I guess if we're going forward with this wedding, we should talk about the next steps.
Raj: Oh, like themes and flowers?
Anu: Actually, finances and taxes.
Raj: Oh. We can't use that. That was the theme of my parents' divorce.