Penny: Okay, what kind of soup do you want?
Sheldon: Well, my mother used to make me this split pea with little frankfurter slices and these home made croûtons.
Penny: We have Chicken Tortilla and Potato Leek.
Sheldon: Can I get any of those with little frankfurter slices and home made croûtons?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: Then surprise me.

Penny: Sheldon, you are a grown man, haven't you ever been sick before?
Sheldon: Well, of course, but, not by myself.
Penny: Really, never?
Sheldon: Well, once. When I was fifteen, and spending the summer at the Heidelberg Institute in Germany.
Penny: Studying abroad?
Sheldon: No, visiting professor. Anyway, the local cuisine was a little more sausage-based than I'm used to, and the result was an internal blitzkrieg with my lower intestine playing the part of Czechoslovakia.

Sheldon: Do you think Penny will come here and take care of us?
Leonard: I don't think Penny’s ever coming here again.
Sheldon: I'm very congested.
Leonard: Yeah, so?
Sheldon: Can you go to the kitchen, and get me the turkey baster labeled mucus.
Leonard: If I stand, I'll vomit.
Sheldon: Under the sink, yellow Tupperware bowl.

Raj: I still want it on my balcony. I say we move it on a bi-monthly basis.
Leonard: That sounds fair.
Sheldon: Hold on. Bi-monthly is an ambiguous term, do you mean move it every other month, or twice a month?
Raj: Twice a month.
Sheldon: Then no.
Raj: Okay, every other month.
Sheldon: No.

Sheldon: I feel very comfortable around you.
Beverly Hofstadter: I feel very comfortable around you, too.
Sheldon: It's surprising because I generally dont feel comfortable around, well, anyone.
Beverly Hofstadter: Nor I.
Sheldon: What are the odds that two individuals as unique as ourselves would be connected by someone as comparatively workaday as your son?
Beverly Hofstadter: Is that a rhetorical point or would you like to do the math?
Sheldon: I'd like to do the math.
Beverly Hofstadter: I'd like that, too.

Raj: Sheldon, I'm begging you. I want to go to this mixer, and I don't want to go alone.
Sheldon: Well, you're in luck. There's a mixer here in Flatland. Oh, look, there's a sexually attractive line segment, you should chat her up.
Raj: What?
Sheldon: Tell her you're a circle. Flatland gals are all hot for circles.

Amy: I've come up with a series of exercises to help with your compulsive need for closure.
Sheldon: I take issue with the word compulsive.
Amy: All I'm saying is, we live in a world where closure isn't always an op...
Sheldon: -tion. Okay. For the sake of argument, let's say I have a problem. What would be your plan for addressing it?

Sheldon: Yes. I play the word quiver with a triple letter and a double word score for 72 points. That ought to let the air out of your tires, Hawking.

Amy: Oh, you could turn his act into extract, and it would be for double points.
Sheldon: Amy. Why would you give me a word? Now, if I play extract it would be cheating.
Amy: Sorry.
Sheldon: Although, I could play the completely unrelated and better word extract. Ethical conundrum avoided. Thanks, brain.

Sheldon: Alright, and this is my office.
Dennis Kim: Is this part of the tour?
Sheldon: Nope. Goodbye.
Leonard: Come on, Sheldon, we've hardly shown him anything.
Sheldon: Oh, alright. This is my desk, these are my books, this is my door, please close it behind you. Goodbye.

Leonard: You can't let this kid get to you. You always knew that someday someone would come along who was younger and smarter.
Sheldon: Yes, but I assumed I would have been dead hundreds of years, and that there would be an asterisk by his name because he would be a cyborg.

Penny: So, you've got a bit of competition, I really don't see what the big deal is.
Sheldon: Well of course you don't, you've never excelled at anything.

Sheldon: What exactly is it you do? I know you chatter on about it all the time, but I've never really paid attention.
Leonard: Okay, well, right now I'm designing an experiment to study the soft component of cosmic radiation at sea-level, but I really don't need any help.
Sheldon: Oh, sure you do. Now, see, what's this here in the schematic, is that a laser array?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Now, hmmm. What happens if you use argon lasers instead of helium neon?
Leonard: It would blow up.
Sheldon: Are you sure?
Leonard: Pretty sure.
Sheldon: Pretty sure's not very scientific. Is this how you normally work, just hunches and guesses and stuff?

Sheldon: Hey, Howard. You're a Jew. If there was another wailing wall, exactly like the one in Jerusalem, but close to taco stands and cheap prescription drugs, would you still be able to wail at it?

Dr. Gablehauser: Mr Kim was not only the valedictorian at Stamford University, he is also the youngest recipient of the prestigious Stephenson Award.
Sheldon: Youngest till the cyborgs rise up!