Sheldon Cooper Quotes Page 4 of 153

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Quote from the episode The Friendship Contraction

Sheldon: I would have been here sooner but the bus kept stopping for other people to get on it.

Quote from the episode The Vegas Renormalization

Leonard: What were you doing at Penny's?
Sheldon: Well, we had dinner, played some games, and then I spent the night. Oh, and you'll be happy to know that I now have a much better understanding of 'friends with benefits.'

Quote from the episode The Big Bran Hypothesis

Sheldon: Oh gravity, thou art a heartless bitch.

Quote from the episode The Discovery Dissipation

Wil Wheaton: Sheldon, I was actually talking about when I was a kid on Star Trek.
Sheldon: How could you not like getting attention for playing Wesley Crusher? You were wonderful. A know-it all boy genius with an eidetic memory. Who couldn't relate to that?

Quote from the episode The Helium Insufficiency

Leonard: What are we going to do?
Sheldon: Perform the experiment immediately.
Leonard: I'd love to, but we need liquid helium and our shipment's on back order for a month.
Sheldon: A month? What? Are you kidding me? That would have been a good time for you to soften the blow.
Leonard: That shirt brings out the blue in your eyes.
Sheldon: Thank you. Aren't you sweet.

Quote from the episode The Empathy Optimization

Sheldon: Good. Then I'll be leaving now.
Emily: Oh, it's okay, Sheldon. Come with us.
Sheldon: Oh, that's very kind of you. But I'm sure you'll all have a better time without me. Let's go, Stuart.
Stuart: But I want to stay.
Sheldon: Stuart, now!

Quote from the episode The Jiminy Conjecture

Sheldon: I am not crazy, my mother had me tested.

Quote from the episode The Staircase Implementation

Sheldon: This is the temperature you agreed to in the roommate agreement.
Leonard: Aw, screw the roommate agreement!
Sheldon: No, you don't screw the roommate agreement. The roommate agreement screws you.

Quote from the episode The Lunar Excitation

Leonard: Relax, it's just a dirty sock.
Sheldon: How on earth can you say "dirty sock" and "relax" in the same sentence?

Quote from the episode Pilot

Sheldon: Do you want to hear an interesting thing about stairs?
Leonard: Not really!
Sheldon: If the height of a step is off by as little as two millimeters, most people will trip.
Leonard: I don't care. 2 millime--? That doesn't seem right.
Sheldon: It's true. I did a series of experiments when I was 12. My father broke his clavicle.
Leonard: Is that why they sent you to boarding school?
Sheldon: No. That was the result of my work with lasers.

Quote from the episode The Guitarist Amplification

Sheldon: Stop it both of you! All this fighting, I might as well be back with my parents!
*Imitating his Mom* Dammit, George! I told you if you didn't quit drinking I would leave you!
*Imitating his Dad* Well, I guess that makes you a liar, because I'm drunk as hell and you are still here!
*Imitating his Mom* Stop yelling, you're making Sheldon cry!
*Imitating his Dad* I'll tell you what is making Sheldon cry, that I let you name him SHELDON!

Quote from the episode The Pancake Batter Anomaly

Sheldon: Checkmate.
Leonard: Oh, again?
Sheldon: Obviously, you're not suited for three dimensional chess. Perhaps three dimensional Candy Land would be more your speed.
Leonard: Just reset the board!
Sheldon: It must be humbling to suck on so many levels.

Quote from the episode The Prestidigitation Approximation

Rajesh: Why so glum, chum?
Sheldon: Apparently you can't hack into a government supercomputer and then try to buy uranium without the Department of Homeland Security tattling to your mother.

Quote from the episode The Robotic Manipulation

Sheldon: I am aware of the way humans usually reproduce which is messy, unsanitary and based on living next to you for three years, involves loud and unnecessary appeals to a deity.
Penny: Oh, God.
Sheldon: Yes, exactly.

Quote from the episode The Pants Alternative

Sheldon: A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink. The bartender replies "for you, no charge".

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