The Big Bang Theory - Sheldon Quotes

Rajesh: Why so glum, chum?
Sheldon: Apparently you can't hack into a government supercomputer and then try to buy uranium without the Department of Homeland Security tattling to your mother.

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Sheldon: Oh Gravity, thou art a heartless b*tch.

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Penny: Mrs Cooper? Hey, it's Penny. I think I broke your son. Hold on. (To Sheldon) Talk to your mother.
Sheldon: (Crying) Mummy, I love you. Don't let Spock take me to the future!

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Sheldon: I believe I would like to alter the paradigm of our relationship.
Amy: I'm listening.
Sheldon: With the understanding that nothing changes what so ever - physical or otherwise, I would not object to us no longer characterizing you as not my girlfriend.
Amy: Interesting, now try it without the quadruple negative.

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Zack: Is that the laser? It's bitchin'.
Sheldon: Yes. In 1917, when Albert Einstein established the theoretic foundation for the laser in his paper "Zur Quantentheorie de Strahlung", his fondest hope was that the resultant device be bitchin'.

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Sheldon: I am aware of the way humans usually reproduce which is messy, unsanitary and based on living next to you for three years, involves loud and unnecessary appeals to a deity.
Penny: Oh, God.
Sheldon: Yes, exactly.

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Howard: Don't you think I should answer the engineering questions? I am an engineer.
Sheldon: By that logic I should answer all the anthropology questions because I'm a mammal.

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Sheldon: (To Priya) You may have gone to Cambridge but I'm an honorary graduate of Starfleet Academy!

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Sheldon: There was a tall man from Cornwall
Whose length exceeded his bed.
"My body fits on it
But barely upon it
There's no room for my big Cornish head!"

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Sheldon: Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. By that definition, Penny is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.

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*Sheldon spots Amy Farrah Fowler outside the apartment*
Sheldon: Oh dear... they really do be crazy.

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Sheldon: Here's an interesting fact about alcohol: Man is not the only species that ferments fruit in order to become intoxicated. Can you guess what the other is? Hint: sometimes they pack the alcohol in their trunks.
Penny: Monkeys.
Sheldon: When does a monkey have a trunk?
Penny: When a suitcase just won't do.

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Sheldon: There there, everything is going to be fine... Sheldon's here!

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Zack: You're inferring I'm stupid.
Sheldon: That's not correct. We implied you're stupid, you then inferred it.

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Penny: Strap on a pair and go talk to Amy.
Sheldon: Strap on a pair of what ... skates?
Penny: Oh, you are so not the guy.

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*After getting a spare in the bowling match*
Sheldon: THANK YOU JESUS!!! ... as my mother would say.

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Sheldon: I know mother, but you're not fooling me. Every time you want to talk it means you want me listen.
Mrs. Cooper: Then stop talking.
Sheldon: Yes, M'am

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Sheldon: She calls me moon-pie because I'm nummy-nummy and she could eat me up!

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Sheldon (to his mom): But, evolution is not opinion, it's a fact!
Sheldon's mom: And that is your opinion!
Sheldon (to Leonard, Howard and Raj): I forgive you, let's go home.

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Leonard: Sheldon, you can't train my girlfriend like a lab rat!
Sheldon: Actually, it turns out I can.

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