Sheldon: What kind of store in the 21st century doesn't at least have WiFi? I'm gonna call their corporate office.
Son of a biscuit!

Sheldon: I just want you both to know, when I publish my findings, I won't forget your contributions.
Howard: Great.
Sheldon: Of course, I can't mention you in my Nobel acceptance speech. But, when I get around to writing my memoirs, you can expect a very effusive footnote and perhaps a signed copy.

Sheldon: You fellas are planning a party for me, aren't you?
Howard: Okay, Sheldon, sit down.
Sheldon: If there's going to be a theme, I should let you know that I don't care for luau, toga, or under the sea.

Sheldon: Fellow warriors, this is Sheldor the Conqueror. We are about to enter Atzel's fortress. Now, this is a long run, so let's do another bladder check. All right, Barry, we'll wait for you again, but you really should see a doctor.

Sheldon: [to Leonard] I don't know what your odds are in the world as a whole, but as far as the population of this car goes, you're a veritable mack daddy.

Sheldon: I've seen things. Lady things.
Amy: Listen to me. That is not the way they usually look!

Leonard: Hey, can I talk to you about something? It's a little awkward.
Sheldon: I know what this is about. Given the professional standstill you're at, you're wondering if this is the appropriate time to abandon your research and focus on teaching. Yes! And if I may suggest, consider changing discipline. To the humanities or perhaps history. One of the advantages of teaching history is that you don't have to create things, you know, you just have to remember stuffs that happened and then parrot it back. You could have fun with that.

Leonard: Hey, I thought you were with your new buddies.
Sheldon: I had to leave. They were having fun wrong.

Leonard: I had a great idea. Do you know how we're always having to stop and solve differential equations, like when you're doing Fourier equations or using the Schroedinger equation?
Sheldon: Howard doesn't, he's only an engineer.

Sheldon: When I try to deceive I have more nervous ticks than a lime disease research facility. It's a joke. It relies on a homonymic relationship between the tick the blood sucking arachnid, and tick the involuntary muscular contraction. I made it up myself.

Sheldon: Milk Duds, with their self-deprecating name and remarkably mild flavor, are the most apologetic of the boxed candies.

Leonard: You know what'd be nice? Name it after your girlfriends. Show them how much you care.
Raj: That is a great idea.
Sheldon: It's perfect. It appears romantic, but it's really just a rock in space that gets me out of Valentine's Day forever.
Raj: So, uh, what were you thinking? Combine their names?
Sheldon: I like it. Yeah, we'll take the "Am" from Amy and, uh, the "Y" from Emily.
Raj: That's just Amy.
Sheldon: Exactly. See how well we work together?

Mary Cooper: Sheldon's like a baby deer, you gotta let him come to you.

Sheldon: (To Penny) Apparently, I'm in some kind of relationship, and, well, you seem to be an expert at ending them.
Penny: Excuse me?
Sheldon: I see man after man leaving this apartment never to return.
Penny: Okay, first of all, it is not man after man.

Sheldon: Good night. And if there's an apocalypse, good luck.