Season 1 Quotes Page 3 of 36
Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Nerdvana Annihilation
Penny: What the hell's going on?
Sheldon: You hypocrite.
Penny: What?
Sheldon: Little Miss Grown-Ups-Don't-Play-With-Toys! If I went into that apartment right now, would I not find Beanie Babies? Are you not an accumulator of Care Bears and My Little Ponies? And who is that Japanese feline I see frolicking on your shorts? Hello, Hello Kitty!
Quote from Sheldon in the episode Pilot
Sheldon: Um, Penny, that's where I sit.
Penny: So, sit next to me.
Sheldon: No, I sit there.
Penny: What's the difference?
Sheldon: "What's the difference"?
Leonard: Here we go.
Sheldon: In the winter that seat is close enough to the radiator to remain warm, and yet not so close as to cause perspiration. In the summer it's directly in the path of a cross breeze created by open windows, there and there. It faces the television at an angle that is neither direct, thus discouraging conversation, nor so far wide to create a parallax distortion. I could go on, but I think I've made my point.
Quote from Howard in the episode The Pancake Batter Anomaly
Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard it's the phone!
Howard: I know it's the phone ma! I hear the phone!
Mrs. Wolowitz: Who is calling at this ungodly hour?
Howard: I don't know!
Mrs. Wolowitz: Well ask them why are they calling at this ungodly hour!
Howard: How can I ask them when I'm talking to you?
Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Big Bran Hypothesis
Penny: Yes, I know men can't fly.
Sheldon: No, no let's assume that they can. Lois Lane is falling, accelerating at an initial rate of 32ft per second, per second. Superman swoops down to save her by reaching out two arms of steel. Ms. Lane, who is now traveling at approximately 120 miles per hour, hits them, and is immediately sliced into three equal pieces.
Leonard: Unless Superman matches her speed and decelerates.
Sheldon: In what space, sir, in what space? She's two feet above the ground. Frankly, if he really loved her, he'd let her hit the pavement. It would be a more merciful death.
Quote from Sheldon in the episode Pilot
Leonard: Come on! We have a combined IQ of 360 we should be able to figure out how to get into a stupid building.
*Two girls selling cookies ring every bell, the door opens*
Sheldon: What do you think their combined IQ is ?
Quote from Raj in the episode The Bat Jar Conjecture
Raj: I say we wait until he looks at us then laugh, like "Yes, you're a smart and strong competitor but we're also smart and strong and we have a reasonable chance of defeating you".
Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Grasshopper Experiment
Sheldon: How often does one see a beloved fictional character come to life?
Wolowitz: Every year at ComiCon. Every day at Disneyland. You can hire Snow White to come to your house. Of course they prefer if you have a kid.
Quote from Penny in the episode The Dumpling Paradox
Leonard: Wow, Penny, you're on fire!
Penny: Yeah, so is Sheldon!
Quote from Penny in the episode The Tangerine Factor
Leonard: Before you say anything, have you heard of Schrodinger's cat?
Penny: Actually, I've heard far too much about Schrodinger's cat.
Leonard: Good.
*Leonard and Penny kiss*
Penny: All right, the cat's alive. Let's go to dinner.
Quote from Howard in the episode The Pancake Batter Anomaly
Sheldon: (On the phone) Howard, I'm sick.
Howard: (Hesitating, Imitating Mrs. Wolowitz) Howard's sleeping, this is his mother. Why are you calling at this ungodly hour?
Sheldon: I need soup!
Howard: (Imitating Mrs. Wolowitz) Then call your own mother.
Quote from Sheldon in the episode Pilot
Leonard: What makes you think she wouldn't have sex with me? I'm a male and she's a female.
Sheldon: Yes, but not of the same species.
Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Big Bran Hypothesis
Sheldon: I have a masters and two PhDs. I should not have to do this.
Quote from Leonard in the episode The Pancake Batter Anomaly
Leonard: (To Howard and Raj) Sheldon is at the Cheesecake Factory.
Leonard: (On the phone to Penny) Just tell him to go home.
Penny: Well, he won't leave. He says he's afraid he'll pass out on the bus and someone will harvest his organs.
Leonard: (to Howard & Raj) He is paranoid and he has established a nest.
Quote from Mary Cooper in the episode The Luminous Fish Effect
Mary Cooper: I'm sorry, did I start that sentence with the words, "If it pleases your highness?"
Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Bat Jar Conjecture
Howard: Don't you think I should answer the engineering questions? I am an engineer.
Sheldon: By that logic I should answer all the anthropology questions because I'm a mammal.
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