Raj: Maybe we should see how he's doing. ... But after the Cantina scene?
Howard: Obviously.

Leonard: So, what did you think of your first funeral?
Penny: I don't want to be a jerk but it was kind of a bummer.

Sheldon: Have you had intercourse?
Raj: No.
Sheldon: Well stick to your guns. There'll be a lot of pressure.

Sheldon: And by the way, I saw you make this Strawberry Quik with syrup. You're supposed to use the powder.
Amy: It tastes the same.
Sheldon: No, the syrup tastes better and I don't like it.

Leonard: This is me doing the Titanic pose on the boat. ... Oh, that's me getting rescued when I fell in.

Bernadette: Where are you going?
Howard: I need some fresh air.
Emily: Been there!

Leonard: We might want to live together.
Sheldon: Oh. Well, I've already given this some thought. And I'm willing to let Penny live with us, one day a week for a trial period. Now, obviously not when she's made cranky by the shedding of her uterine lining.

Sheldon: I'll get right to the point. I think we need to end this relationship. So, sign this with your finger and please don't cry on my iPad. I didn't get AppleCare.

Sheldon: Got it. We order calzones, cut them open and eat them like pizza. ... All right, all right. I'll shake the brain bush one more time and see what falls out.

Raj: I think you'd be pleased to hear that this morning in the parking garage I saw this oil stain on the ground that was shaped just like my ex-girlfriend, Lucy, and I didn't get upset at all.
Howard: I'm proud of you.
Raj: Well, you should be, 'cause she was looking good.

Bernadette: (on the phone) Howie, stop. I can't talk like that. Amy's right here.
Amy: (on the phone) Sheldon, stop. For the last time, I will not bring home bed bugs.
Bernadette: The hotel's nice. There's a pool, a gym, the bar looks like fun.
Amy: Because I looked in the bed, and there are no bugs.
Bernadette: Aw, I love you, too. If I don't talk to you before you go to sleep, I'll meet you in dreamland.
Amy: Good night. No, I will not consider sleeping in my garment bag.

Bernadette: I was thinking of going to the lecture on posterior cingulate cortex lesions in the formation of autobiographical memory.
Amy: Oh, brain lesions are fascinating. Unless they're yours, then they're a drag. Bernadette: To the advancement of science.
Amy: And to the sick and dying who make it possible.

Amy: Well, it sounds like you're saying that I could do better than Sheldon.
Bernadette: Boy, these drinks are strong. Oh mama, I'm gonna be huggin' the toilet tonight.
Amy: No, tell me, I want to know what you meant by that.
Bernadette: I just meant that you're not married and your boyfriend's kind of, Sheldon.
Amy: And your husband is extremely Howard.

Penny: I can't believe it. All this time I've been doing nothing but sit around and miss that guy. And you know what the worst part is?
Sheldon: That you're having to process your emotional pain without vodka?
Penny: No. Yeah.

Sheldon: Allow me to comfort you. At least you've got your health.
Penny: Really? That, that's it? That's comforting?
Sheldon: Um, uh, in a hundred years, you'll both be dead and it won't matter?
Penny: No. Come on, you're supposed to say, "Of course he misses you, the only reason he's partying is to cover up his pain."
Sheldon: Oh, no, I don't think that's true at all.