Sheldon: I've learned some fun facts about New Jersey to help you make small talk. Would you like to know the state bird or the murder rate? They're both shocking.
Amy: Actually, I want to hear about you. How are things at home?
Sheldon: Well, I'm a lot less likely to see an Eastern Goldfinch or be murdered, I'll tell you that.

Leonard: This train thing worked out better than I thought. He's home studying the engineer's manual.
Howard: It's so peaceful without him here. Can I ask you how much that cost?
Leonard: $4,000. Worth every penny.

Raj: Okay, you ladies have fun tonight.
Stuart: Don't worry about Halley. Uncle Stuart's on the job.
Raj: Under the careful supervision of her godfather.
Stuart: My apologies. I didn't mean to offend you, Don Corleone.

Stuart: Okay, instead of arguing all night, let's just split up the baby chores.
Raj: Yeah, great. Um, I'll put food in her top half, you deal with whatever comes out the bottom.

Leonard: (electrical crackling) What is that?
Howard: I don't know, but if he yells, "It's alive," we run.

Raj: What just happened?
Howard: A stranger just lured Sheldon away with a candy bar.

Leonard: Okay, look, Sheldon, the Colonel wants us to make the guidance system smaller, and we can't do it without you.
Sheldon: Interesting. So I was right.
Howard: Open a window. It's about to get smug in here.

Amy: Sheldon, that was so sweet of you.
Sheldon: Well, I could deduce by his facial expression and body language that he was sad.
Amy: So the part where he got stood up didn't clue you in?
Sheldon: You want me to look at him and listen to him?

Leonard: Hey, you guys let Stuart live with you. Why not Raj, too?
Howard: What-what are you doing? I-I-I schlepped the baby over, I brought imported beer. Why don't you like me?

Alfred Hofstadter:: If I may, I can assure you, your mother and I did nothing more than share a cab and a conversation.
Sheldon: Did that conversation include the phrase "your genitals are a joy to behold"?

Howard: You don't need your dad's money. You can get by on your salary.
Leonard: Yeah. Well, we work at the same place as you, and we've always been fine.
Raj: Oh, please. Look in the mirror. You both look ten years older than I do.

Raj: My father thinks the reason I can't make a relationship work is because I'm spoiled.
(Everybody is quiet, looking sheepishly away from Raj)
Leonard: I'm sorry, is he waiting for someone to disagree?

Penny: That must've been expensive.
Raj: Yeah, it was. But it's my father's money and I'm mad at him.
Leonard: What's going on with your dad?
Penny: And if you really want to hurt him, I look great in Chanel.

Penny: Oh, someone's been shopping at Gucci.
Raj: Yeah, I saw something for Halley and I couldn't resist.
Bernadette: That's so sweet of you.
Raj: Yeah, it's a crushed velvet baby cape.
Howard: Oh, no, now we have two.

Raj: I thought we were best friends!
Howard: We are! That's why I'm sad my best friend's gonna be homeless.
Bernadette: I'm sorry, Raj. We really just don't have the space.
Leonard: What if he lives in your garage?
Bernadette: What if you stop helping?!