Raj: I thought we were best friends!
Howard: We are! That's why I'm sad my best friend's gonna be homeless.
Bernadette: I'm sorry, Raj. We really just don't have the space.
Leonard: What if he lives in your garage?
Bernadette: What if you stop helping?!

Leonard: Hey, you guys let Stuart live with you. Why not Raj, too?
Howard: What-what are you doing? I-I-I schlepped the baby over, I brought imported beer. Why don't you like me?

Alfred Hofstadter:: If I may, I can assure you, your mother and I did nothing more than share a cab and a conversation.
Sheldon: Did that conversation include the phrase "your genitals are a joy to behold"?

Howard: You don't need your dad's money. You can get by on your salary.
Leonard: Yeah. Well, we work at the same place as you, and we've always been fine.
Raj: Oh, please. Look in the mirror. You both look ten years older than I do.

Raj: My father thinks the reason I can't make a relationship work is because I'm spoiled.
(Everybody is quiet, looking sheepishly away from Raj)
Leonard: I'm sorry, is he waiting for someone to disagree?

Amy: Sheldon, that was so sweet of you.
Sheldon: Well, I could deduce by his facial expression and body language that he was sad.
Amy: So the part where he got stood up didn't clue you in?
Sheldon: You want me to look at him and listen to him?

Sheldon: MSN Search, AltaVista, and Ask Jeeves. You?
Amy: Sorry, I don't have a list of defunct search engines that I miss.

Penny: That must've been expensive.
Raj: Yeah, it was. But it's my father's money and I'm mad at him.
Leonard: What's going on with your dad?
Penny: And if you really want to hurt him, I look great in Chanel.

Penny: Oh, someone's been shopping at Gucci.
Raj: Yeah, I saw something for Halley and I couldn't resist.
Bernadette: That's so sweet of you.
Raj: Yeah, it's a crushed velvet baby cape.
Howard: Oh, no, now we have two.

Raj: I did do that. I can be insensitive to other people's boundaries. Howard, would you write that down?
Howard: "Schmuck." Got it.

Leonard: Aren't you gonna look at the board to see how right we are?
Sheldon: No, thanks. I'm busy trying to fix this fuel pump.
Howard: It's a manifold.
Sheldon: Oh. Well, I guess it's fixed.

Bernadette: You're upset I had a baby?
Penny: No, of course not. I just I didn't think it would make me have all these feelings.
Amy: What feelings?
Penny: Pressure! I mean, she's looking at preschools, she has a minivan, she has a 401(k). Before she talked about it, I just thought that was a race.

Penny: Is everything okay?
Bernadette: Yeah. I may have just left my infant daughter with Patrick and SpongeBob.

Sheldon: I had a bad dream that my best friend became a tyrant and forced me to stay up all night to work.
Leonard: I had a good dream that when I carried you to bed, I let your head hit the wall and I laughed.

Stuart: So we just throw this away?
Raj: What else are you gonna do with it? Put it in your coffee?
Stuart: Well, I don't take it black.