Bernadette: So you wanted to learn something physical and you came to Howard Wolowitz?

Leonard: You're not really considering working for him, are you?
Penny: Well, maybe, I mean, it seems kind of perfect. I have sales experience, and I've been a waitress, so I have restaurant experience, and if he's figuring out my Christmas bonus, we could buy a boat.

Sheldon: Amy, look, I'm on a unicycle!
Amy: How did you get from croissants to a unicycle?
Sheldon: I hurt myself juggling.

Penny: So he's my ex-boyfriend, who cares? I can't believe Leonard would be so insecure.
Bernadette: Really? I have no trouble believing that at all.
Penny: And Zack's engaged. Leonard has no reason to feel threatened.
Bernadette: We're talking about the same Leonard, right?

Leonard: So you think it's fine if she works for Zack?
Howard: I don't know. Maybe.
Raj: Well, he is much more attractive than Leonard.
Howard: Yes, but that's gonna be true of a lot of guys she works for.
Leonard: Yeah, but she also used to sleep with Zack.
Howard: Again...

Bernadette: I would never let Howard work with an ex.
Penny: What, you wouldn't trust him?
Bernadette: I wouldn't trust her. He's thin and sexy like a Jewish greyhound.
Penny: Yeah, that - that is the sexiest dog.

Bernadette: And I'd like to think Howie wouldn't take a job I was uncomfortable with.
Penny: 'Cause he's scared of you?
Bernadette: Terrified.
Penny: Yeah.

Amy: Sheldon, is it possible that when things get really difficult, you just give up?
Sheldon: Are you calling me a quitter?
Amy: Well, if you honestly-
Sheldon: This conversation is over.

Amy: I made you tea.
Sheldon: Thank you.
Amy: I'm sorry I called you a quitter.
Sheldon: It's okay, I stopped being upset about that. And no, the irony is not lost on me.

Zack: Penny, what's up?
Penny: Hey, uh, so I've been thinking about it and I want to take the job.
Zack: Oh, bad news. When my fiance found out that I was offering a job to my ex-girlfriend, she said it was a stupid idea and threw a shoe at me.
Penny: Oh, so there's no job?
Zack: Nope, just a little bump on my forehead.

Howard: Oh, and I'm a dork for juggling.
Bernadette: Sorry, you're not a dork. (Southern accent): You're a clown. (Regular voice): Tammy Jo, don't say that, you'll make him feel bad. (Southern accent): Look at him, what reason he got to feel good?
Howard: All right, very funny.
Bernadette: Don't listen to her, she's been in a box for, like, 25 years. (chuckles) (Southern accent) Yeah, back when his haircut was fashionable.

Bernadette: So what happens next?
Howard: Phase two: we test it, perfect it, and hope to live long enough to see the movie based on our lives starring more attractive versions of us.

Bernadette: Want me to put on some Neil Diamond? That always makes you feel better.
Howard: No. You'll get all sexed up, and I'm not in the mood.

Iris scanner: Leonard Hofstadter. Access granted.
Leonard: Hmm. I don't care if this thing's burning out my retinas; it makes me feel special.

Leonard: Now, before we field test, I think we --
Howard: What the hell?
Leonard: Where is everything?
Sheldon: Who else has access to this room?
Leonard: It's a secure lab in a classified facility; only the U.S. government and us.
Sheldon: This is very disconcerting.
Howard: But the movie did just get good.