Bernadette: Stuart, you cooked?
Howard: How did you know it wasn't me?
Bernadette: There's only three people in this house, and you'd still be my fifth guess.

Stuart: Hey, Raj.
Raj: Hey, Stuart. What are you doing here?
Stuart: Oh, I'm living here again.
Raj: Do, uh, Howard and Bernadette know? Or is it like a possum in the walls kind of thing?

Stuart: No, I needed a place to stay and, with the baby coming, I figured they could use some extra help.
Raj: Okay, cool.
Stuart: Anyway, come on in, dinner's ready.
Raj: Oh, but I bought Chinese takeout.
Stuart: Oh, okay.Well, if Bernadette wants her ankles to swell up even more, she can have that.

Leonard: Is the Wi-Fi working for you?
Penny: Uh, hang on. I don't think so, I'm clicking on "One weird trick for a flat belly," but I'm still seeing "Celebrities who look like their pets".

Leonard: Oh, I knew it, Sheldon changed the password.
Penny: Are you sure?
Leonard: Well, the new network name is, "Ha ha ha, now I've got you," so It's either Sheldon or Gargamel from The Smurfs.

Leonard: Sheldon, I know what you did, now change the password back.
Sheldon: Well, powder me in sugar and call me a donut, if it isn't Leonard Hofstadter.

Raj: So, I was reading how it's a good idea for new parents to take an infant CPR class.
Bernadette: Yeah, we've been meaning to do that.
Stuart: Oh, I know a CPR instructor who'll come to the house.
Howard: That'd be great.
Stuart: I'll give him a call. We met when I was sleeping on the beach and he thought I was dead.

Bernadette: Thank you again for cooking. It's getting tough for me to be on my feet all day.
Stuart: You just kick back and relax; I've got it all under control.
Raj: Although it was already under control.
Stuart: I'm sorry, you mumbled something?
Raj: It's just that they've had plenty of help.
Stuart: Well, you know what they say. It takes a village.
Raj: Well, they already had a village.
Stuart: I noticed the village couldn't find time to put the crib together.
Raj: Yeah, well, maybe the village was too busy checking out the local Montessori school for the new arrival.
Stuart: You mean the one with the empty beer bottles in the sandbox? We'll pass, thank you.

Leonard: I believe that is flag to crotch four, checkmate. Easy-peasy, ooh, so breezy.

Stuart: Hey, what's up?
Raj: I'm here to put the crib together.
Stuart: Ooh, sorry, I already did it.
Raj: Oh, I don't know if you realize this, but I bought that crib.
Stuart: Oh, yeah, I read about that on WhoGivesACrap.com
Raj: Why are you being like this?
Stuart: Because I love Howard and Bernadette and if I want to keep mooching off them, I need to be helpful.

Stuart: Why can't there be four wheels?
Raj: Is this what you do when I'm not here, make really good points?
Stuart: Look, just come in and help me build a baby swing.
Raj: Thank you.
Stuart: If you're hungry you can eat your takeout; nobody touched it.

Penny: I think I'm gonna go for a run. You want to come?
Leonard: No, last time that old lady in the park kept screaming, "Watch out, he's right behind you."

Leonard: Hello?
Theodore: Hey, how you doing?
Leonard: Uh, can I help you?
Theodore: I don't think so, but you're sweet for asking.
Penny: What-What are you doing in our apartment?
Theodore: Oh, I rented a room from your neighbor, the tall guy dressed like a little boy.

Sheldon: So, there are fresh linens on the bed and - Oh. Well, now, I see you've met Theodore. Theodore, these are your new roommates, Leonard and Penny. They're very honest, but I would not leave cash lying around.

Leonard: Sheldon, what do you think you're doing?
Sheldon: My room is paid up until the end of the month, so I can do with it whatever I please, which includes renting it out for a dollar a night.
Theodore: It's like the '40s again.