Penny: I bet Jennifer gets a promotion out of this, which is so unfair because I work twice as hard as she does.
Raj: Don't worry, Jerry won't be fooled by that type of behavior.
Leonard: Jerry?
Raj: It didn't work for Randy, it didn't work for Tina, it sure as hell isn't gonna work for Jennifer.
Penny: Well, I hope not. I just hate when people play those kinds of games.
Leonard: Tina?
Raj: With your sales record, you have nothing to worry about.
Penny: Mm.
Leonard: I went to your office Christmas party?

Sheldon: I believe I've made some progress on our ground rules.
Amy: Oh, good. What are they?
Sheldon: Okay, uh, number one: in matters of physics, I have the final say. In matters of neuroscience, you have the final say. Unless I disagree.

Amy: Number three. To avoid getting frustrated, we take built-in breaks and reward our successes with a small treat.
Sheldon: Ooh, that sounds fun. Now, we're talking about real treats, right? Not Bible verses like my mother used to give me.
Amy: Whatever you want.

Amy: Look at that.
Sheldon: Yes, this is remarkable.
Amy: So we're agreed: it's complete garbage.
Sheldon: By the way, your name can go first.

Howard: Nice. 174 diapers. That ought to get us to Wednesday.

Bernadette: Well, have you talked to them about it?
Leonard: Well, what am I supposed to say-- "Stop having fun without me"?
Howard: This one says that every time I go out. See? I listen to you.

Sheldon: All right, either blow your nose or teach it to play "Camptown Races."

Sheldon: Yeah, boy, if good ideas came out of your brain the way mucus comes out of your nose, we'd be in good shape.

Leonard: I'm sure I'm overreacting.
Bernadette: You're entitled to feel how you feel. If you don't like it, you should just talk to her.
Leonard: I don't want to sound like a jealous baby.
Bernadette: Oh, then maybe you shouldn't talk to her.

Amy: We're finally making progress. I wish we could do it without fighting.
Sheldon: What if the fighting is the reason we're making progress?
Amy: I suppose it's conceivable that the hormones associated with our fight-or-flight response could be sharpening our cognitive processes.
Sheldon: Well, if that's the case, then your grandparents mumble and have bad posture.

Sheldon: It seems we have a choice to make. Abandon all ground rules in the name of science, or give up collaborating for the sake of our relationship.
Amy: There's only one clear choice.
Sheldon: Science it is.
Amy: No, you bonehead!
Sheldon: Name-calling, that is perfect. Now, when I get to this equation here, really let me have it. You know? If it helps, I'm not the sharpest dresser.

Penny: Hey, Raj, do you want to go with me tomorrow?
Raj: Are you asking because you want me there or out of pity? Actually, never mind, don't answer. I'd love to.

Sheldon: And for your information, the summer conference on algebraic topology at Caltech is nerd prom.

Howard: You okay?
Bernadette: Of course, why?
Howard: Well, I don't know, you seem a little upset.
Bernadette: No, I'm fine.
Howard: You sure?
Stuart: Why don't you think she's fine? She sounds fine, she looks fine. If I saw her on the street I'd say, "Damn, that girl's fine!"

Sheldon: Why am I naked from the waist down?
Raj: I don't know where your pants are, but we did find your underwear in a pot on the stove.