Howard: Well, I know she's mad at me about something.
Stuart: Well, what have you done that would upset her?
Howard: Oh, gosh, how much time do you have?

Raj: You're not going to prison.
Leonard: But, boy, it is funny to think about.

Bernadette: I didn't want to tell you, but I'm having a really tough time about going back to work.
Howard: Oh. Okay, well, I get that. It was hard for me when I went back.
Bernadette: It was?
Howard: Of course. I missed you, and the baby, and being able to watch Ellen every day.

Sheldon: Mind you, when we say "behind the flags", we don't literally mean these flags. That's just where we have dinner.

Bert: Hey, Sheldon. Hey, Amy. It's Bert.
Sheldon: Hello, Bert. What is your flag-related comment or query?
Bert: I have a girlfriend.
Amy: And what does that have to do with flags?
Bert: Nothing. I just wanted everyone to know I have a girlfriend.

Sheldon: Bert, you're tying up the line. My apologies to all of you trying to call in with legitimate flag comments.

Bert: Hey, guys.
Sheldon: Oh, hello.
Leonard: Hey. Want to join us?
Sheldon: But he's a geologist, and I have more physics jokes.
Raj: Oh, quick! Sit!

Sheldon: Bert, Rebecca. I'd like to apologize for my insensitive comment earlier.
Rebecca: Don't worry about it. It's fine.
Sheldon: See? It was fine. I didn't need a time-out.
Amy: It wasn't a time-out. Let's get some food.
Sheldon: You made me sit on the stairs and think about what I did.
Amy: Get your food!

Rebecca: I could give you some free sessions.
Penny: Oh, is that offer for everybody?
Leonard: (chuckles) Nice try. I'm not going.

Bert: She's so perfect, sometimes I think she isn't real. And then she goes to the bathroom, and I know she is.
Penny: Aw, that's so weird.

Penny: You know, on our first date, Leonard used a coupon to buy me a pretzel.
Leonard: And we lived happily ever after.
Penny: The end.

Bert: Hello? Is anybody home?
Leonard: Is that Bert?
Bert: It's Bert.
Penny: I think it's Bert.

Leonard: If you're that upset, go get her back.
Bert: I tried. She's not answering my calls. Which really hurts because I bought her that phone.

Penny: Look, sweetie, relationships aren't about money, okay? It's about respect and having things in common and- Yes, Sheldon?
Sheldon: You and Leonard don't have anything in common. Maybe you should break up.
Leonard: (To Penny) You called on him.

Bernadette: Let me just say good-bye. (Taps the glass) Halley. (Hits the glass) Look at Mommy. (Hits the glass) Over here, honey. (Pounding the glass)Say good-bye to Mommy! Look at me! Look at your mother!
*Babies crying*
Bernadette: All right, we can go.