Penny: Hey, hey, hey, I can watch your stupid baby, okay? If she cries, I will pick her up. If she's hungry, I'll give her a bottle. And if she poops, I'll light some incense.

Sheldon: We have to stop this and protect your legacy.
Professor Proton: What legacy? My-my last two seasons, I was on Sunday morning at 5:30.
We-we were beat by Davey and Goliath.

Sheldon: Arthur.
Professor Proton: You-you know, we could we could also meet in-in a deli.
Sheldon: I'm sorry to say that I failed you. I tried to stop Wil Wheaton being Professor Proton, but I couldn't.
Professor Proton: See, now, that's-that's the kind of thing you could tell a fella over a pastrami sandwich.

Sheldon: Well, don't worry. He's now on my enemies list forever. He's totally cut off.
Professor Proton: Interesting. Can-can anyone sign-sign up for that list?

Amy: He meant a lot to Sheldon.
Leonard: Oh, me, too. I grew up watching his show. He's one of the reasons I became a scientist.
Penny: Aw, thought you did it just to get girls.
Leonard: Joke's on you. It worked.

Bernadette: Where are you going?
Howard: Gift shop.
Bernadette: There is no gift shop. Sit down.

Bernadette: This was your idea.
Howard: So was having sex, and look where that got us.
Bernadette: This isn't a big deal. Stop whining.
Howard: When you were in labor and I said that, you kicked me.

Bernadette: Want me to go with you?
Howard: No, I'll be fine.
Raj: (standing up to go with Howard) Yeah, we got this.
Howard: Sit down!

Penny: I don't know what to say. Leonard, do you know what to say?
Leonard: Sheldon, uh, I thought it, uh, it looked like you were having so much fun.
Sheldon: Hey, that's what you used to tell me to say to Penny after one of her terrible plays.
Penny: Hey! (Penny slaps Leonard)
Leonard: Hey!

Howard: You want to lie down, watch a movie?
Bernadette: I can't. I got my 16-week checkup to get to, and then I'll pick up some Chinese for dinner. I'll take Halley with me.
Howard: You-you sure you're not overdoing it?
Bernadette: No, it's fine.
Howard: Great. Then maybe, instead of Chinese, fire up the grill and throw on a couple of steaks? (Bernadette stares at him) Kung pao chicken, please.

Howard: This is actually kind of nice, you and me getting to spend a couple days in bed together.
Bernadette: Yeah. Pretty soon, we're gonna have two crying babies in the house.
Howard: (sighs) I'm glad my balls hurt. It's all their fault.

Bernadette: Penny, everything all right?!
Penny: Hey, all good. Dipped her pacifier in a little bourbon, she conked right out.
Bernadette: I hope you're joking.
Penny: Of course I'm joking. I don't share my bourbon.

Sheldon: I'm not leaving!
Wil Wheaton: All right, I'm gonna stick my dog on you.
Sheldon: You don't have a dog.
Wil Wheaton: Yes, I do.
Sheldon: Ugh, I can't tell if you're lying. You're such a good actor!

Howard: I'm getting a little hungry.
Bernadette: Want me to get it this time?
Howard: That'd be great.
Bernadette: (Shakes Howard's phone to produce a bell ringing sound) This is fun.
Howard: And now you also get to see an annoyed blonde walk into the room.

Penny: Excuse me while I go take care of your baby. Then I'll bring you your snack, and you can insult me some more.
(Penny leaves)
Howard: I don't know about you, but I am not eating whatever she brings us.