Penny: No, no, no. I am alone. I'm just telling Leonard why I broke up with him.
Sheldon: Oh, he knows. The video I want to see is why you went out with him in the first place.

Penny: Sheldon, what do I do?
Sheldon: Try to pass out facedown, so you don't choke on your vomit.
Penny: I am not gonna pass out. But thank you anyway.

Leonard: Aw, you love me so much.
Penny: I married you, jackass.
Leonard: I I know, and not just out of pity like everyone said in their wedding toast.

Leonard: Hey, when we sell the Bitcoin, are you gonna pay your dad back all the money you took from him over the years?
Raj: Never even crossed my mind.

Sheldon: Well, that is unfortunate. I guess we've all learned a lesson today.
Amy: What was the lesson?
Sheldon: I don't know.

Penny: This was a good idea. It's been a long time since we've had girls' night.
Amy: Yeah, it's so nice to have a relaxing evening at home doing nothing.
Bernadette: Yeah, really breaks up the other 30 days I've spent on bed rest doing nothing.

Penny: Hey, what's going on? You got a date?
Raj: I, uh, do have a date with science.
Penny: Ooh, what's science wearing?

Raj: I just want to make a good first impression, and thought maybe you could help me pick out an outfit?
Penny: Of course. Let's see what you got.
Amy: Yeah, you just need to pick something that-that you feel confident in.
Raj: I'm sorry. I left my magic clothes at home.
Penny: I'm sure these two options will be f- So you-you have other clothes at home?

Howard: Oh, good. Raj is here to tell us today's specials.
Raj: Very funny. I have my interview this afternoon.
Howard: Oh. If it doesn't work out, you're ready to go on your Mormon mission.

Sheldon: I don't understand what's going on here.
Raj: Oh, what's going on here is I'm up for a job at the planetarium, and Howard is making fun of me.
Sheldon: Oh, that's great. You're both doing what you love.

Dr. Koothrappali: Don't make excuses. What kind of friend acts that way?
Raj: Well, I-I guess-
Dr. Koothrappali: It was a rhetorical question. A bad friend!
Raj: Come on, Dad! That's just our relationship, okay? He makes Indian jokes, and I laugh, but, you know, with angry eyes so he knows it's not okay.

Amy: Thanks for your input, but this is my decision, and I'm gonna go with Old English calligraphy on Egyptian papyrus.
Sheldon: Oh, what a fun mashup. It's like the chicken and waffles of orthography.

Raj: Well, my dad thinks it's because Howard's always making fun of me.
Leonard: Well, that makes sense.
Penny: Well, what do you mean, that makes sense?
Leonard: Well, Howard does make fun of him a lot.
Penny: Well, that's not all Howard's fault. I mean, if Raj doesn't want to be made fun of, then- I, hmm. I don't know a nice way to finish this sentence.

Leonard: One of us should go sit with Raj so he's not alone.
Sheldon: But I'm not done telling you about my wedding revenge plans.
Leonard: You're right. Go on.
Sheldon: Okay, well, first, I'm going to try to get Amy to trade with me for hors d'oeuvres - (Leonard gets up and moves to Raj's table)

Penny: Hey. You look good today.
Leonard: What happened? What's wrong? Just tell me. I can take it.
Penny: Nothing. I felt bad about being mean to you, so I'm being nice.
Leonard: Oh, okay. Sorry. I wasn't ready for it. Try again.
Penny: You look handsome.
Leonard: Nope, still freaking me out.