Penny: Bernadette left it here.
Leonard: Yeah? Anything interesting?
Penny: Well, I just saw a picture of a baby's head crowning, so I hope you enjoyed sex, because we're done with that.

Leonard: Hey, Sheldon, what's up?
Sheldon: Well, remember how disappointed you were when Amy started driving me to work?
Leonard: Sure, uh, sometimes people smile a big smile of disappointment.
Sheldon: Yeah, well, good news, Amy had to go in early to show Howard around her lab, so you get to drive me.
Penny: Aw, his smile of disappointment has turned into a frown of joy.

Leonard: So Howard and Amy working together, that's interesting, huh?
Sheldon: Eh, it's all right, I suppose. Uh, when- Usually when Amy complains about her coworkers, I just tune her out, but now I'll be able to join in and pound away.

Raj: I came to see how you were doing. Like, uh, do you need help with anything?
Bernadette: Oh, thank you. There are a few things around the house that I've been waiting for Howard to get to. The smoke alarms-
Raj: No, I meant emotionally. How are you feeling?
Bernadette: Like you're not really here to help me.

Bernadette: Everything's fine. Howard's really excited about his work, he's been in a great mood I'm really proud of him.
Raj: And I can fit into the pants I wore in high school. Come on, we don't need to lie to each other.
Bernadette: You're right. I have a teething baby, I'm pregnant, I have a proposal due tomorrow. I don't have time to hear about how much you're missing my husband.
Raj: Well, I think I know why he's been working so late.

Amy: Hi.
Sheldon: Welcome home. How was work?
Amy: Great. Howard had an idea for-
Sheldon: (waving his hand dismissively) That's enough about work.

Penny: Here we go. "Let him have ownership of his choices. Allow him to choose from options that are acceptable to you."
Leonard: All right, I'll give it a try. "I can drive you in two hours or you can take an Uber"
Penny: Good. See, now he feels like he has a choice.
Leonard: Huh. (phone chimes) He's gonna take an Uber.
Penny: Wow, it worked.
Leonard: Unless he bites the driver, yeah.

Sheldon: And now they're working on a Saturday? Can you believe them? Like, is this how you envisioned your weekend?
Bernadette: No, it is not.

Sheldon: This whole thing is maddening.
Bernadette: I'm really busy. I don't have time to listen to you complain.
Sheldon: Hey! You're complaining, too. "Sheldon, why are you here?" "Sheldon, the applesauce is for the baby."

Sheldon: Wait, wait, now, hold on. Why'd you ask me about Tom Sawyer?
Bernadette: I'm just interested in you.
Sheldon: Well, you are sweeter than your applesauce.

Howard: You think that's impressive, take apart that brain model.
Amy: Oh my God, three of clubs. That was my card! How did you?
Howard: I used to make it appear in my pants, but HR said I had to stop doing that.

Raj: Guys, you won't believe this. I stopped by the university to check in on Howard and Amy, and they were having fun.
Sheldon: Well, don't worry. He won't be having any fun when he gets home. I did all his favorite chores!

Penny: So is this how it's gonna be if we have kids? You're just gonna throw me under the bus?
Leonard: If you spoil them the way you do Sheldon, then, yeah.
Penny: Uh, my way was working. Okay? I think you're just upset because there are some things I am better than you at.
Leonard: Well, you can't end a sentence with a preposition, so clearly not grammar.
Penny: If you're so smart, was that a smart thing to say?
Leonard: That depends. Before I said it, was sex tonight still on the table?
Penny: No.
Leonard: Then it's fine.

Raj: You know who'd make a great Professor Proton? Meryl Streep.
Howard: She's not a scientist.
Raj: Uh, then explain to me why she has chemistry with literally everyone.

Sheldon: Oh, my goodness.
Bernadette: If it's "vasectomy gone wrong" videos, he's seen them all. Including the one of the guy who's sitting on what appears to be a cantaloupe but is not.
Howard: (putting his plate of food own) And I'm done.