Howard: Doesn't she have her own place? Why don't you guys hang out there?
Stuart: Oh, she has a roommate, and he's kind of creepy. A-And that's coming from me.

Raj: So, Leonard, what are you gonna do while Penny's away?
Leonard: I don't know. Maybe watch a movie with subtitles.
Sheldon: If you're looking for something outside the norm, I have invented a new chess variant where the bishops can also move like knights.
Raj: What do you call that, Bishops Be Crazy?
Sheldon: First of all, it would be "Bishops Are Crazy."
Raj: Not if you're being crazy.
Leonard: Checkmate.

Leonard: And this is a high-pulse laser with a BBO crystal. It's pretty cool. It emits photons in discrete bursts.
Beverly Hofstadter: Huh. Very impressive.
Leonard: But?
Beverly Hofstadter: But what, dear?
Leonard: Oh, I don't know. It's just, usually there's a "but" followed by something that makes me feel bad.

Leonard: Oh, a-and that, uh, the guy that played the werewolf on-on True Blood, he was there.
Penny: Wh-- Joe Manganiello?
Leonard: Uh, yeah.
Penny: From Magic Mike?
Leonard: What's that?
Penny: Okay, okay, did he look like this?
Leonard: He had his clothes on, but, yeah.

Leonard: All right, I'll tell you. Uh, [stammers] Kevin Smith was there, and-and, uh, this really tall guy named Kareem.
Penny: Wait-wait, K-Kareem Abdul-Jabbar?
Leonard: I don't know, it was, uh, Kareem something Jabbar. How do you know him
Penny: How do you not know him?
Leonard: Well, I know him now 'cause he was there.

Sheldon: Well I'm here to rescue you from the boredom.
Beverly Hofstadter: Not necessary. This is really quite interesting.
Sheldon: But?
Beverly Hofstadter: But nothing.

Raj: And we are fortunate to have one of those men here with us tonight. Please welcome to the Griffith Observatory astronaut Howard Joel Wolowitz.
Bernadette: [fanning herself with the program] Kak horosho.
Leonard: What is she ta-
Penny: Don't ask.

Penny: Sheldon?
Sheldon: Mm, absolutely not, no. The Nobel committee will be making the calls to inform the winners at any minute, so the only drug I need is the endorphins pumping through my brain in anticipation of our victory.
Amy: Well, technically, anticipation wouldn't be mediated by endorphins as much as dopamine, but, you know, you've been up all night, so I'll give you that one. [Amy looks and sees Sheldon is asleep] Really? The second he stops talking?

Sheldon: Six times ten to the eighth atoms, Of a radium in a lead jar, Six times ten to the eighth atoms of radium, If the half-life of radium should happen to pass, Three times ten to the eighth atoms, Of a radium in a lead jar.
Penny: Really hope you're almost to zero.
Sheldon: No, see, that's the beauty of half-lives: it's impossible to determine when you'll arrive at zero. It's like "Wheels on the Bus" if the bus had an unknowable number of parts.

Raj: I'm flying out tomorrow. I'm gonna surprise her with a ring.
Bernadette: You already have a ring?
Raj: Well, it's the same one as before.
Howard: I thought you gave it to her the first time you got engaged?
Raj: I did, but I took it back.
Howard: So, you're an Indian giver?
Bernadette: Howie.
Howard: What? If he's gonna move to England, I need to get all these out now.

Penny: Beverly, I have to say, it's so nice seeing the two of you get along.
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, I've always gotten along with Leonard. Of all of my children, he's the most docile.
Leonard: She wrote that in a birthday card once. I keep it in my nightstand.

Bernadette: Oh, don't waste your time. His name is Danny. He works for one of the other drug companies.
Danny: Hey, nothing wrong with checking out the competition.
Bernadette: Aw, we don't see you as competition.
Danny: You should. Our anti-inflammatory is hitting the market this year, too.
Penny: Well, ours has zero drug interaction risk.
Danny: Yeah. So does an Altoid.
Bernadette: Speaking of Altoids, why don't you go get one?

Amy: I'm sure she's not mad at you.
Sheldon: Well, then why would she rather spend the day with Leonard?
Amy: Because he's her son?
Sheldon: Amy, I just feel like we're going in circles.

Raj: Cut the crap. We know where you were. We know what you were doing.
Stuart: Yeah, I just told you. I was at CVS breathing my ass off.
Sheldon: Oh, you were breathing, all right. You were breathing the rarefied air of celebrities.
Stuart: I don't know what you're talking about.
Raj: Then why are you trembling?
Stuart: I'm always trembling.

Sheldon: No offense, Howard, but I don't want to spend my weekend around your loud, sticky babies.
Howard: You can't insult my kids. I am offended.
Sheldon: No, you can't be. I said "no offense." That's like "no backsies" but for offense.