Barry Kripke: Greg Pemberton, you old so-and-so.
Dr. Pemberton: Very good to see you. Uh, let me introduce you to my colleague, Dr. Campbell. Uh, Kevin, this is Barry Kripke. We went to college together.
Dr. Campbell: Great to meet you.
Barry Kripke: Well, you have my number. We should hit up the buffet at the strip club while you're in town. Nothing beats a lap dance and a baked potato bar, huh?

Penny: It's fine, I'll sit on the floor.
Raj: Thank you, Penny. And, Leonard, I was kind of hoping I could sit next to Anu.
Leonard: So now I have to sit on the floor? It's my house. Why can't Sheldon sit on the floor?
Sheldon: That might be the dumbest thing you've ever said.

Howard: Guys, guys, there's a simple solution.
Raj: I am not breaking up with her.
Howard: All right. Let's keep thinking.

Bernadette: Okay, so, everyone's happy and healthy?
Stuart: Well, that depends.
Bernadette: What's that mean?
Stuart: Uh, how many teeth did Halley have when you left?
Howard: All of them.
Stuart: Oh, yeah, that's-that's what I was afraid of.
Bernadette: What happened?
Stuart: Um, well, all right. Um, Michael had a little fever last night.
Bernadette: Michael had a fever?
Stuart: Do you want to hear about Halley or not?
Howard: What happened, Stuart?
Stuart: He was running a little fever, nothing to worry about. And Halley, bless her heart, wanted to bring him his boo-boo bear, so she climbed over the safety rail and took a little tumble down the stairs.
Bernadette: She fell down the stairs?!
Stuart: [stammers] She rolled down the stairs, laughing the whole time. [chuckles] Anyway, when she got to the bottom, there was a tooth missing.
Bernadette: Oh, Stuart!
Stuart: She's fine! She thought it was funny.
Howard: Did you at least save it for the tooth fairy?
Stuart: No, we couldn't find it. We have a theory about where it is, but it'll take six to eight hours to confirm. Speaking of which, where do you keep the spaghetti strainer?

Anu: I guess if we're going forward with this wedding, we should talk about the next steps.
Raj: Oh, like themes and flowers?
Anu: Actually, finances and taxes.
Raj: Oh. We can't use that. That was the theme of my parents' divorce.

President Siebert: Look, the Nobel Committee doesn't like infighting, so if the four of you don't stop sniping at each other, the award's gonna go to someone else entirely.
Amy: He's right. You know, like it or not, we can't avoid each other. Let's at least try to be civil.
Drs. Campbell: Agreed. You know, when you think about it, we're linked together the same way that super-asymmetry links together every atom in the universe.
Dr. Pemberton: Hmm.
Amy: That's not what it does at all!
Dr. Pemberton: Well, that's the great thing about science. We all get to have our own opinions.
Sheldon: I'm still not talking. That's impressive, right?

Bernadette: Please, that doesn't make you his best friend.
Howard: You know, that reporter asked me if I could put him in touch with Amy's best friend.
Bernadette: That's Penny.
Howard: [singsongy:] Doesn't have to be.

Penny: How did it go?
Leonard: Great.
Penny: What, so you got the job?
Leonard: I did not.
Penny: So you quit? Okay, Leonard, I can't move. I just bought a six-month membership to SoulCycle.

Sheldon: It's called Lethal Weapon, but isn't that redundant? Aren't weapons, by their very nature, lethal?
Mr. Fowler: I suppose you're right.
Sheldon: Yeah, and don't even get me started on Unsolved Mysteries.
Mr. Fowler: I didn't get you started on Lethal Weapon.

Sheldon: Now, I know what You're you're thinking: isn't Broccoli Hulk basically just the Jolly Green Giant?
Amy: That is what I was thinking. Let's never discuss it again.

Penny: Let's celebrate. What do you want to do?
Leonard: Oh, please don't make me decide another thing.
Penny: Hey, you want to go to SoulCycle with me?
Leonard: Give me a minute, I'll think of something.

Leonard: Well, I-I didn't quit. I said I was going to. I walked out the door and started crying. You know, "Oh, my, God, oh, my God, oh, my God, what'd I do?" And then he called me back in.
Penny: Then he changed his mind?
Leonard: He did not.
Penny: I'm really confused about how to react to this story.
Leonard: President Siebert didn't want to lose me. Even though they couldn't make me a lead investigator on a plasma team, there was an opening for a co-lead on a photon entanglement team. How cool is that?
Penny: You're gonna have to tell me.
Leonard: It's really cool.
Penny: Yay! Oh, I am so happy for you.
Leonard: I almost got what I wanted, and it never would have happened if you hadn't almost believed in me.

Penny: Raj, it's gonna be okay. Look, sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship.
My first time with Leonard was nothing to write home about.
Raj: Really?
Penny: Yeah, but, you know, over time it got better.
Raj: So practice makes perfect?
Penny: Well, practice makes better.

Raj: Okay, you wanted the truth, here it is.
Anu: You have a drinking problem.
Raj: No. I, uh, I have a talking problem, and a drinking solution.

Sheldon: So, your turn. Uh, other than Amy, have you every had anything removed from your body?
Mrs. Fowler: I am not going to answer that.
Sheldon: Smart. Save something for our next get-together.