Raj: She says the only reason I'm marrying her is because all my friends are married, and I don't want to feel left out.
Howard: Oh, that's nonsense.
Raj: No. She's right.
Howard: (quietly to Bernadette) Now what do I say?

Penny: So, Marissa, how did you guys meet?
Marissa: Oh, it's a pretty funny story. We met in a bookstore.
Leonard: That is funny.
Zack: Yeah, I was just there using the bathroom, but this one had a stack of books, like, this tall.
Penny: Oh. So, you really like to read?
Marissa: Oh, no. I work there.
Zack: Yeah, she is super smart. Seriously, you name, like, any book, she'll tell you if she's heard of it. Go on, try her.
Leonard: Oh, uh, well, uh Catcher in the Rye.
Marissa: Nope.
Zack: Look at that, Penny. I guess we both like nerds.

Leonard: So, uh, we gonna take this thing out?
Zack: Nah. It's a little choppy tonight.
Penny: Yeah, that's okay. This is nice, sitting under the stars. It's actually kind of peaceful.
Leonard: Well, it's a beautiful boat.
Zack: Thanks, man. We love it.
Marissa: Although, he's so tall he bangs his head almost every time he goes downstairs.
Zack: After the first couple, you don't even feel it.

Leonard: Are you jealous?
Penny: I know, I know, I shouldn't be. He's super sweet. I should be happy for them.
Leonard: Oh, it's driving me crazy, too.
Penny: Really?
Leonard: Yes. I was trying to pretend like it wasn't so you wouldn't think I was petty.
Penny: Wha-- turns out we're both petty.
Leonard: I love you so much.
Penny: Aw.

Zack: So listen, I got to be honest. We sort of have another reason for asking you here.
Marissa: We want to have a baby, but we can't do it on our own.
Zack: It could be because of the game me and my frat brothers used to play where we kicked each other in the balls over and over. But the doc says there's no telling.
Marissa: We just don't know.
Leonard: Huh. You went to college.

Marissa: And Zack's always admired you because you're the smartest person he knows.
Penny: Okay, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa. You know, this has been such a nice evening. Let's all just stop before anyone says any more things.
Zack: Leonard, would you be the father of our baby?
Penny: Aw, you said a thing.

Leonard: Wow, this is really flattering.
Penny: And also really weird, right?
Zack: Oh, just to be clear, you don't get to you know.
Leonard: No, I - I got it.
Zack: Just because I slept with your wife doesn't mean you get to sleep with mine.
Penny: We we get it, but thank you for saying it out loud.
Zack: You're welcome.

Marissa: I know it's a big ask, but it would mean so much to us.
Zack: Yeah, and we really don't want a stranger's, you know-
Leonard: I know.
Zack: -sperm.

Marissa: And Zack's always talked about what a great guy Leonard is.
Leonard: I (chuckles) I really don't know what to say.
Penny: Really? You don't know what to say?

Dr. Koothrappali: Did you install a camera to spy on your fiancee?
Raj: What?! No!
Dr. Koothrappali: That's what her parents told me when they said they were calling off the wedding. But I told them you would never do such a thing.
Raj: Thank you. I mean, I did install a camera and I did spy on her, but I did not install it to spy on her.

Dr. Koothrappali: Well, that's not going to be our story. Our story is that she's a liar. And-and old. An old, dirty liar.
Raj: Oh, no. She's-she's actually great. I'm the one who screwed up.
Dr. Koothrappali: Well, don't say that to them. She's bad. You're good. They have to pay me back for my wedding deposits.
Raj: (sighs) This is all my fault. I should have I should have just trusted her.
Dr. Koothrappali: So you're saying you still want to get married? Fine. Then I'll call her parents and we'll straighten this whole thing out.
Raj: I don't think she wants to marry me. And honestly she deserves someone better.
Dr. Koothrappali: Rajesh, you need to stop being so hard on yourself. You're a good man.
Raj: Wow. Y-You've never told me that.
Dr. Koothrappali: You're also a dope.
Raj: That you've said.
Dr. Koothrappali: But your heart's in the right place, and you deserve happiness.
So you just need to figure out what you want, and if that means cancelling the wedding, we cancel the wedding.
Raj: Thank you.
Dr. Koothrappali: But figure it out quickly, or I'll be celebrating my next birthday with a lot more elephants and marigolds than I expected.

Penny: And Leonard just stood there with a big, dumb smile on his face, like he was watching a puppy and a monkey make friends.
Bernadette: Well, I can see how he'd be flattered to be asked.
Penny: It's not flattering. It's creepy.
Amy: Well, something can be both flattering and creepy. You know, just the other night, Sheldon said that my feet looked like Richard Feynman's hands.

Penny: Really? So you'd be okay if someone wanted to use Sheldon as their sperm donor?
Amy: Oh, absolutely not. I am the only handmaid in this tale.

Bernadette: So Leonard's really considering this?
Penny: Yes. We got in a huge fight about it. He said, well, if I don't want to have his baby, then why shouldn't someone else be able to? Do you believe that? What?
Bernadette: Well, there is a deep-seated biological drive to pass on your genes. It's only natural.
Penny: So you're on his side?
Amy: Well, viewing Leonard as a mammal, it's perfectly understandable.
Bernadette: But viewing him as your husband, he stinks.
Amy: And we hate him.

Sheldon: They wanted you?
Leonard: Yes, Sheldon, they wanted me. I'm smart. I'm nice.
Sheldon: I'm smart. I'm nice. And I can eat cheese without clearing out a room.
Leonard: Are you upset he didn't ask you?
Sheldon: Of course not. I just think it's interesting that of all the people he knows, he thinks you're the best choice.
Leonard: Well, he does. I don't see why Penny is so against this.
Sheldon: Well, perhaps Penny's worried that you haven't considered the emotional toll of knowing there's a child out there who is biologically yours but not actually yours.
Leonard: Wow, that's really insightful.
Sheldon: Yeah, I'm taller than you and I don't have asthma.