Raj: Look, we both made mistakes. I am so sorry that I spied on you. I didn't mean to, but I know it was not okay. Now, do you want to apologize to me?
Anu: You also said you don't trust me and that you barely know me.
Raj: I really thought this would be more of a back-and-forth thing.

Anu: Honestly, Raj, why do you even want to marry me?
Raj: You know, family and India and stuff.
Anu: Here's what I think. All of your friends are married, and you don't want to be left behind. And honestly, that's not a good enough reason.
Raj: Uh, okay, well, how is that different than what you're doing? Hmm? Worried that you wasted so many years dating the wrong people, and now, you're just looking for a shortcut.
Anu: You're right. It's not different.
Raj: Okay, so we agree.
Anu: Yeah.
Raj: Great. Wait. What did we just agree on?
Anu: That we shouldn't see each other anymore.
Raj: You know what? Why don't you shut the door, and I'll just do the cards?

Leonard: Uh, do you remember Penny's ex-boyfriend Zack?
Sheldon: Leonard, I remember all of Penny's ex-boyfriends. If you'd like, I could list them alphabetically.
Leonard: No, thank you.
Sheldon: Fun fact. You would think Zack would be the last one on the list, but she also dated two Zekes.

Raj: I make one mistake, and she says she doesn't want to marry me. Like she never screwed up.
Bernadette: Did she?
Raj: Well, she agreed to marry me.

Howard: Honestly, I think you dodged a bullet. I don't think she was right for you.
Bernadette: Howie, shh.
Howard: What?
Bernadette: You can't bad-mouth Anu. They're gonna get back together, and you're gonna look like a jerk. I mean, remember when we broke up, and Penny said all those mean things about you?
Howard: What did she say?
Bernadette: I don't want to get into it. Some of it was hurtful, most of it was true.

Howard: So I'm just supposed to lie to my friend?
Raj: I don't want you to lie to me.
Bernadette: No one's gonna lie to you. (whispers to Howard) Lie.

Raj: She says the only reason I'm marrying her is because all my friends are married, and I don't want to feel left out.
Howard: Oh, that's nonsense.
Raj: No. She's right.
Howard: (quietly to Bernadette) Now what do I say?

Penny: So, Marissa, how did you guys meet?
Marissa: Oh, it's a pretty funny story. We met in a bookstore.
Leonard: That is funny.
Zack: Yeah, I was just there using the bathroom, but this one had a stack of books, like, this tall.
Penny: Oh. So, you really like to read?
Marissa: Oh, no. I work there.
Zack: Yeah, she is super smart. Seriously, you name, like, any book, she'll tell you if she's heard of it. Go on, try her.
Leonard: Oh, uh, well, uh Catcher in the Rye.
Marissa: Nope.
Zack: Look at that, Penny. I guess we both like nerds.

Leonard: Are you jealous?
Penny: I know, I know, I shouldn't be. He's super sweet. I should be happy for them.
Leonard: Oh, it's driving me crazy, too.
Penny: Really?
Leonard: Yes. I was trying to pretend like it wasn't so you wouldn't think I was petty.
Penny: Wha-- turns out we're both petty.
Leonard: I love you so much.
Penny: Aw.

Marissa: And Zack's always admired you because you're the smartest person he knows.
Penny: Okay, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa. You know, this has been such a nice evening. Let's all just stop before anyone says any more things.
Zack: Leonard, would you be the father of our baby?
Penny: Aw, you said a thing.

Leonard: Wow, this is really flattering.
Penny: And also really weird, right?
Zack: Oh, just to be clear, you don't get to you know.
Leonard: No, I - I got it.
Zack: Just because I slept with your wife doesn't mean you get to sleep with mine.
Penny: We we get it, but thank you for saying it out loud.
Zack: You're welcome.

Marissa: I know it's a big ask, but it would mean so much to us.
Zack: Yeah, and we really don't want a stranger's, you know-
Leonard: I know.
Zack: -sperm.

Marissa: And Zack's always talked about what a great guy Leonard is.
Leonard: I (chuckles) I really don't know what to say.
Penny: Really? You don't know what to say?

Dr. Koothrappali: Did you install a camera to spy on your fiancee?
Raj: What?! No!
Dr. Koothrappali: That's what her parents told me when they said they were calling off the wedding. But I told them you would never do such a thing.
Raj: Thank you. I mean, I did install a camera and I did spy on her, but I did not install it to spy on her.

Dr. Koothrappali: Well, that's not going to be our story. Our story is that she's a liar. And-and old. An old, dirty liar.
Raj: Oh, no. She's-she's actually great. I'm the one who screwed up.
Dr. Koothrappali: Well, don't say that to them. She's bad. You're good. They have to pay me back for my wedding deposits.
Raj: (sighs) This is all my fault. I should have I should have just trusted her.
Dr. Koothrappali: So you're saying you still want to get married? Fine. Then I'll call her parents and we'll straighten this whole thing out.
Raj: I don't think she wants to marry me. And honestly she deserves someone better.
Dr. Koothrappali: Rajesh, you need to stop being so hard on yourself. You're a good man.
Raj: Wow. Y-You've never told me that.
Dr. Koothrappali: You're also a dope.
Raj: That you've said.
Dr. Koothrappali: But your heart's in the right place, and you deserve happiness.
So you just need to figure out what you want, and if that means cancelling the wedding, we cancel the wedding.
Raj: Thank you.
Dr. Koothrappali: But figure it out quickly, or I'll be celebrating my next birthday with a lot more elephants and marigolds than I expected.