Sheldon: Oh, hey, look. "Siglature."

Penny: You're having a bad dream.
Leonard: Oh, thank God. I was eating my friends. Well, one friend and one acquaintance.
You know what, Bert's okay. Two friends.

Penny: Are you okay?
Leonard: (pants) That depends. What-what color are my eyes?
Penny: I don't know, brown? No, green. No, wait, brown.
Leonard: Oh, good, I'm awake.

Howard: Hey. What's going on?
Sheldon: Can you come over here?
Howard: Sheldon, the deck is safe. You can walk on it.
Sheldon: [after gently stepping onto the deck] Oh, that gets the heart going.

Sheldon: And you'll be happy to know that, while I was there, I did look into your neighbor's balcony, and it is encroaching on your property line. I had all this pent-up snitch energy, so I reported him hard.
Howard: What did they say?
Sheldon: He's going to have to remove it.
Bernadette: [chuckles] So the good guys win?
Sheldon: Well, I don't know if I'd call you the good guys.You're enforcing a law on him that you're willfully ignoring yourselves.
Bernadette: Uh, all right, fine. So the morally compromised guys win.
Sheldon: Apparently so. Now, if one of you'd be kind enough to take me home, I need to use my bathroom.
Howard: What's wrong with the one here?
Sheldon: I'm sorry, I want to live.

Leonard: You guys got a second?
Raj: Leonard, I told you, buddy. We don't need to use your laser.
Bert: Yeah, all we need is Terry Brad-saw. That's what I named my saw.

Raj: Really? You're jealous of us?
Leonard: Yeah. I even had this crazy dream last night where I ate you both.
Raj: Seriously?
Leonard: Uh. I know. I was pretty out of it.
Bert: Who'd you eat first?
Leonard: Oh. Uh, you.
Bert: [chuckles] Nice.

Stuart: Is it just me or has no one been in the store for hours?
Denise: Yeah, it is weirdly quiet. [gasps] Nobody's in the street.
Stuart: Huh. Well, that's strange.
Denise: You thinking what I'm thinking?
Stuart: They cut that meteorite open and unleashed a space plague?
Denise: Exactly.

Zack: Thank you, guys, again for agreeing to do this.
Marissa: Yeah, it means so much to us.
Leonard: Ah, we're happy we can help.
Penny: Yeah, and we don't find it weird at all.

Raj: So, this week would have been my wedding if Anu and I hadn't decided to slow things down.
Howard: Oh, yeah, I would have forgotten, except for those nonrefundable airline tickets to India I bought.
Raj: I'm sorry.
Howard: No, no. What's $3,000 between friends? Yeah, I probably would've just thrown it away on health care for my children.

Raj: I really think we made the right decision.
Howard: Agreed, although I did have a pretty awesome bachelor party planned for this weekend.
Raj: Really? What was it?
Howard: Well, I used my NASA connections to get us four seats on that plane that lets you experience weightlessness.
Raj: The Vomit Comet. That is so cool. I've always wanted to experience weightlessness. The closest I ever came was that time I accidentally set my scale to kilograms.

Raj: We could still go. You know, make it a guys' weekend.
Howard: Yeah. (chuckles) All right, let's do it.
Raj: Great. It'll be like the good old days.
Howard: You mean when we were all sad, desperate and horribly alone?
Raj: I remember it more fondly.

Howard: Well, these two are out. There goes our guys' weekend.
Raj: Okay, so let's make it a couples' weekend. I'll bring Anu, you bring Bernadette.
Howard: I'm not sure Bernie would like it. Maybe I'll invite Stuart or Bert.
Sheldon: Oh, go with Bert! He's huge. It'd be fun to watch him float around. Like that time the Underdog balloon got away at the Macy's Parade.

Leonard: Hey, Wyatt.
Wyatt: Leonard. Hey, that's a hell of a handshake.
Leonard: Ah, well, you know, I've been taking vitamins.

Penny: Dad, uh, come on in, sit down. Can I get you something to drink? Maybe a beer?
Wyatt: Sure, if you're having one.
Penny: Okay.
Wyatt: And why wouldn't you, since you're not pregnant?
Penny: Um. Leonard wants to have a baby with my ex-boyfriend Zack.
Leonard: How 'bout those Cornhuskers?