Howard: There must be another way.
Raj: You could try calling AAA. But based on NASA's latest timetable, they wouldn't be out there for another 35 years.
Sheldon: Plus, I understand you need to be standing next to the vehicle with your card when they arrive.

Sheldon: This is an auspicious moment, like Robert Oppenhiemer or Neil Armstrong, we need the appropriate words to mark this historic scientific event.
Rajesh: How about, die toaster, die!
Leonard: That'll do it!

Penny: Look, just forget I told you about me not graduating from community college, okay?
Sheldon: Forget? You want me to forget? This mind does not forget. I haven't forgotten a thing since the day my mother stopped breast-feeding me. It was a drizzly Tuesday.

Leonard: Wanna catch me up?
Sheldon: Well, let's see. She attempted to open her apartment with her car key because her face is overly Midwestern. She hasn't had sex in 6 months, and she ate a fly.
Leonard: Uh-huh. Seriously, 6 months?

Sheldon: This is to train for a three month expedition to the magnetic North Pole.
Penny: What?!
Sheldon: I don't know how that sentence could possibly confuse you, but to elaborate, I'm going to the Arctic Circle with Leonard, Wolowitz and Koothrappali.

Kurt: Where's your back up?
Leonard: I don't need back up, I have right on my side ... and I'm wearing cargo shorts under my pants.

Penny: Look, I said I wanted to hurt him, but this?
Leonard: It will shorten the war by five years and save millions of lives.

Sheldon: Yeah, I'm definitely going with colonoscopy.
Leonard: Okay, bye. (Off the phone) My mother's coming for a visit.
Howard: How about that, you were right.

Beverly Hofstadter: Well, Leonard's younger brother, Michael, is a tenured law professor at Harvard, and his sister just successfully grew a human pancreas in an adolescent gibbon.
Howard: So, she's close to curing diabetes?
Beverly Hofstadter: Why else would you grow a pancreas in a teenaged gibbon?
Howard: Wow, you must be very proud.
Beverly Hofstadter: Why? They're not my accomplishments. I have to urinate.

Wolowitz: Oh, stop it with the fake third world crap. Your father is a gynecologist and you had a house full of servants.
Raj: We only had four servants, and two of them were children.

Sheldon: How am I gonna get to work.
Leonard: Take the bus.
Sheldon: But I can't take the bus. They don't have seat belts. And they won't let you latch yourself to the seat with bungee chords.
Leonard: You tried to latch yourself to the seat with bungee chords?
Sheldon: I didn't try, I succeeded. For some reason, it alarmed the other passengers and I was asked to de-bus.

Howard: Maybe we should have your head notarized.

Beverly Hofstadter: You know, both selective mutism and an inability to separate from one's mother can stem from a pathological fear of women. It might explain why the two of you have created an ersatz homosexual marriage to satisfy your need for intimacy.

Beverly Hofstadter: Your scan data will be very helpful to my research. You have a remarkable brain.
Sheldon: I know. Although, I've always hated how my right frontal lobe looks in pictures.
Beverly Hofstadter: Common complaint among men. Nothing's ever big enough. Except when they get a tumor, Then you never hear the end of it.

Penny: Ok, ok, how about this. We tell him somebody broke in?
Leonard: Just to shoot the couch with the paint ball gun?
Penny: I'm sorry, I'll buy it. All those people are on drugs.
Leonard: We can tell him they wanted the couch to stay away from their boyfriend.