Wolowitz: The way I see it, I'm halfway to pity sex.

Sheldon: I trust Leonard satisfied you sexually last night.
Leonard: Oh good God! Sheldon we don't ask questions like that!
Sheldon: I heard you ask it over and over. How is it inappropriate for me to ask it once?
Stephanie: He did very nicely.
Sheldon: See? She's not offended. And now you finally have an answer.

Penny: Hey Leonard, what's up with Dr Wackadoodle?

Howard: Easy. Instead of saying; 'No we don't wanna go on an NSF expedition,' say; 'No we don't wanna spend three months stuck in a cabin in the Arctic Circle with an anal nutbag!'

Beverly Hofstadter: It might explain why the two of you have created an ersatz homosexual marriage to satisfy your need for intimacy.
Howard: Say what?

Sheldon: There once was a brave lad named Leonard.
With a fi fi fiddle dee dee.
He faced a fearsome giant.
While Raj just wanted to pee.

Howard: Are you familiar with the Drake Equation?
Sheldon: The one that estimates the odds of making contact with extraterrestrials by calculating the product of an increasingly restrictive series of fractional values such as those stars with planets, and those planets likely to develop life? N equals R times FP times NE times FL times FI times FC times L?
[pause]
Howard: Yeah, that one.

Wolowitz: If it's "creepy" to use the Internet, military satellites, and robot aircraft to find a house full of gorgeous young models so I can drop in on them unexpected, then fine, I'm "creepy".

Leonard: Thanks for closed captioning my pain, Raj.

Howard: Here's an approximation of the spare parts available on the Space Station. We gotta find a way, using nothing but this, to reinforce this so the waste material avoids the spinning turbine.
Raj: You mean so it doesn't hit the fan?

Sheldon: For what it's worth, my mother says that when we deceive for personal gain, we make Jesus cry.

Howard: Hey, you want to make sure he gets nowhere with Penny without jeopardizing your friendship with either of them?
Leonard: I'm listening.
Howard: Just tell him to do everything you've done with her for the last two years.

Sheldon: Yeah, I have to say I thought the toilet humor would get less funny with repetition. Apparently there is no law of diminishing comedic returns with space poop.

Sheldon: Everyone at the university knows I eat breakfast at 8:00 and move my bowels at 8:20.
Leonard: Yes, how did we live before Twitter?

Raj: Well, I'm a Hindu. My religion teaches that if we suffer in this life we are rewarded in the next. Three months at the North Pole with Sheldon and I'm reborn as a well-hung billionaire with wings.