Sheldon: Point of inquiry, why did you put your car key in the door lock?
Penny: Why? I'll tell you why. Because today I had an audition, it took me two hours to get there, I waited an hour for my turn, and before I could even start they told me I looked too Midwest for the part. Too Midwest? What the hell does that even mean?
Sheldon: Well, the American Midwest was mostly settled by Scandinavian and Germanic peoples who, well they have a characteristic facial bone structure...
Penny: I know what it means, Sheldon!

Penny: God, you know, I have been in L.A. for almost two years now, and I haven't got a single acting job. I have accomplished nothing, haven't gotten a raise at work, haven't even had sex in six months, and just now when I was walking up those stairs a fly flew in my mouth and I ate it.
Sheldon: Well, actually, insects are a dietary staple in many cultures. They're almost pure protein.

Sheldon: I believe the condensation on your frozen foods weakened the structural integrity of the bag. But returning to your key conundrum, perhaps you should call a locksmith and have him open the door for you.
Penny: I did, and he said he'll get here when he gets here.
Sheldon: And you're frustrated because he phrased his reply in the form of a meaningless tautology?
Penny: No! I am frustrated because I am a failure at everything and my breath smells like fly.

Penny: Listen, I need to talk to Sheldon.
Howard: (Raj whispers in his ear) No, that's what she said, Sheldon.

Penny: Okay, look, I bought the game, and I've been exploring the Island of Tordage but I can't figure out how to get past the guard captain.
Sheldon: Do you have the enchanted sword?
Penny: No. No, I have a bronze dagger.
Sheldon: You can't slay the guard captain with a bronze dagger. My Lord, it's like the car key in your apartment door all over again.

Howard: What the frak?
Leonard: Beats me. They were playing all last night too.
Raj: It's like some kind of weird comic book crossover.
Howard: Like if Hulk were dating Peppermint Patty.
Raj: I always thought Peppermint Patty was a lesbian?
Leonard: No, that's Marcie. Peppermint Patty's just athletic.

Sheldon: There you go, one enchanted sword.
Penny: Right, gimme, gimme, gimme, I want to kill the guard captain. (Leaves)
Sheldon: That girl needs to get a life.

Sheldon: Here's the problem. I was clearly signed up to use the mainframe in Buckman 204, and Dr Winkle just wantonly ripped the sign-up sheet off the wall.
Leslie: It wasn't even an official sign-up sheet. He printed it himself and he put his name down in every slot for the next six months.
Sheldon: If it is a crime to ensure that the universities resources are not being squandered chasing sub-atomic wild geese then I plead guilty.

Sheldon: Leonard, you have to do something about Penny. She is interfering with my sleep, she's interfering with my work, and if I had another significant aspect of my life, I'm sure she'd be interfering with that too.
Leonard: Why should I do something? You're the one who introduced her to online gaming.
Sheldon: Well, yes, but you're the one who said hello to her when she moved in. If you'd simply restrained yourself none of this would be happening.

Leonard: Why don't you just tell her to leave you alone?
Sheldon: I did. I told her, I texted her, I sent out a very emphatic twitter. I even changed my Facebook status to Sheldon Cooper wishes Penny would leave him alone. I don't know what else to do.

Leonard: Well, what am I supposed to do?
Sheldon: I don't know, but if you don't figure something out, I warn you I shall become very difficult to live with.
Leonard: You mean, up until now we've been experiencing the happy fun time Sheldon?
Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: I'll go talk to her.

Penny: No, Fritz, I need you on my flank. No, I don't know German. Flankenzie, flankenzie!

Leonard: Hey Penny.
Penny: Busy.
Leonard: Yeah, I see that. Shouldn't you be at work?
Penny: I don't work on Mondays.
Leonard: It's Thursday.

Leonard: Listen, Penny.
Penny: Uh, Queen Penelope AFK. What?
Leonard: Okay, um, here's the thing, um, sometimes people, good people, you know, they start playing these games and they find themselves through no fault of their own, you know, kind of, addicted.
Penny: Yeah, get to the point, I'm about to level up here.
Leonard: Well, i-i-it's just if a person doesn't have a sense of achievement in their real life it's easy to lose themselves in a virtual world where they get a false sense of accomplishment.
Penny: Yeah, jabber jabber jabber, okay boys, Queen Penelope's back online.

Leonard: She's gotten really hooked on Age of Conan, she's playing non-stop.
Raj: Ah, yes, online gaming addiction. There's nothing worse than having that multi-player monkey on your back.