Howard: How about computers? You like computers?
Bernadette: I use them, I don't like them.

Raj: Here comes Kripke.
Leonard: Who's that with him?
Raj: I believe that's the president of the university.
Leonard: And the board of directors. Abort! Abort!
Sheldon: There is no abort.
Raj: How could you not put in an abort?
Sheldon: I made a boo-boo, all right?

Penny: The great thing about Ernie (Sesame Street Puppet) is that he didn't ask for anything, he just gave.

Penny: Okay, Babydoll Pink, let's see if you can cover up the fact that I got my dad's feet.

TV Announcer: Up next Babylon 5.
(Sheldon looks at Leonard)
(Penny listening to Sheldon and Leonard argue from her apartment)
Leonard: You're not even watching it.
Sheldon: I can hear it.
Leonard: The dialogue offends you?

Sheldon: From Hell's heart, I stab at thee!

Sheldon: This alcohol is not working, I still feel dizzy.
Penny: Here, try this one.

Sheldon: I'm fine. Although I'm no longer master of my own bladder.

Wolowitz: Do you think I'd have rather been with you or sitting around for hours listening to my mother saying "Have y'ever pee'd so much in your life?"
Rajesh: Oh, you are such a momma's boy.
Wolowitz: Don't bring my mother into this.
Rajesh: You brought your mother into this!

Sheldon: Let it never be said that Sheldon Lee Cooper ignored the pleas of a damsel in distress.

Raj: Okay, let's check out the females.
Sheldon: All right. There's a female.
Raj: That's Professor Wilkinson's wife. She's like 80 years old.
Sheldon: But she's female. Isn't that the game?
Raj: No. I'm looking for a hookup.
Sheldon: Oh, yes. So, the point of this exercise is for you to find someone to copulate with?
Raj: Not so loud, but ideally, yes. Thanks.

Sheldon: I've been dreaming about going to the Large Hadron Collider since I was nine years old.
Leonard: Yeah, well, I've been dreaming about spending Valentine's Day with a girl since I was six.
Sheldon: Shame on you! That's no dream for a scientist.

Raj: He'll have a Shirley Temple.
Sheldon: And don't be chintzy with the Shirley.

Leonard: This tray contains clues as to what you and I are going to be doing on Valentine's Day.
Penny: Oh, wow. Okay. Let's see. We've got milk chocolate, Swiss cheese, fondue.
My lactose-intolerant boyfriend is going to eat all this, then I'm going to climb on his back and rocket to the moon?

Leonard: Well, I can't read your mind, Penny!
Penny: Really? Why not? You're so smart, and I'm so dumb.