Sheldon: Like the proverbial cheese, I stand alone. Even while seated.

Raj: Ah beer, the magic elixir that can turn this poor shy Indian boy in the life of the party ... Oh yeah!

Raj: I wonder what the non-pathetic people are doing tonight.

Mrs. Wolowitz Howard, what are you doing in there?
Howard: I'm taking a bath.
Mrs. Wolowitz I hope that's all you're doing. We share that tub!

Sheldon: If you want to blend in with Penny's friends, I'd think looking like an idiot would be the perfect camouflage.

Penny: I think we'll pass.
Howard: Oh, is the Mrs speaking for the couple now?
Leonard: In this case, you bet she is.

Raj: I don't wanna go back to India, it's hot and loud, and there are so many people! You have no idea, they're everywhere.

Howard: (To Bernadette) A Catholic girl like you wearing a big cross like that might just give my mother the big brain aneurysm I've been hoping for.

Mary Cooper: If you recall, when you were little we sat right here at this very spot and talked about some of the problems you had getting along with the neighbor kids.
Sheldon: That was different. They were threatened by my intelligence and too stupid to know that's why they hated me.
Mary Cooper: Oh, baby. They knew very well why they hated you.

Howard: The one thing the William Shatner of theoretical physics needed was an ego boost.

Howard: (Southern Accent) If y'all don't mind, I got a hankering for a lone star beer.
Mary: There's no alcohol in this household, stop talking like that, and lose the hat.
Howard: Sorry, I'll take a diet yoo-hoo if you have one.
Mary: You'll take a Coke.

Penny: I love where you skip over the part where no one asks.

Howard: Oh, my God. An Alf doll. When I was 11 my mother got me one to help me sleep after my dad left. I used to pretend that my dad had moved to the planet Melmac, and Alf was going to bring him back to me. But he never did. Where's my daddy, puppet? Where is he?

Rajesh: What are you waiting for?! Kill Wil Wheaton! From hell's heart, stab at him!

Raj: I'm telling you, dude. The only way to feel better about Penny going out with other guys is for you to get back on the whores.