Sheldon: You know, when my grandfather died, and Meemaw was alone, my mom arranged for her to visit a center three times a week where she could socialize with other lonely people. It's very nice. They discuss current events, play bridge, get a hot meal.
Leonard: That sounds lovely.
Sheldon: It is if you like bridge. Do you like bridge, Leonard?
Leonard: Sheldon, I'm just not dating someone right now. I don't need to go to a senior center.
Sheldon: Meemaw resisted at first, but now she loves it.
Leonard: Fine. If I don't meet someone soon, you can put me in a home.
Sheldon: It's not a home. It's a senior center. We'd never put Meemaw in a home!

Sheldon: I sense judgment on your part.
Leonard: No, no. Maybe a little.
Sheldon: May I suggest that your criticism is based on jealousy.
Leonard: Jealousy? What do I have to be jealous of?
Sheldon: I have a functioning and satisfying relationship with a female. You have none.
Leonard: Oh, right. That.
Sheldon: Jealousy is an ugly green-eyed monster, not unlike the Hulk, who, by the way, also has a girlfriend. In this iteration, Jennifer Connelly, whom you may recall as the girlfriend of Russell Crowe in A Beautiful Mind, a feel-good romp if there ever was one.
Leonard: I'm not jealous.
Sheldon: Hurgh! Leonard not jealous.

Leonard: What are you doing in there?
Sheldon: I'm making hydrogen sulphide and ammonia gas. Just a little experiment in pest control.
Raj: It's not gonna work, dude. I grew up in India, an entire subcontinent where cows walk in the street, and nobody has ever had a solid bowel movement.
Sheldon: Well, we'll just see how long you can hold out.
Raj: Well, we'll just see how your noxious gas fares against my cinnamon-apple-scented aroma therapy candles.
Leonard: Didn't you say you're making hydrogen sulphide gas?
Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: Isn't that flammable?
Sheldon: Highly. Oh, dear. [explosion]

Howard: Yeah, we had a really great talk, and we're gonna start seeing each other again.
Leonard: Oh, congratulations. Have you broken it to the troll yet?
Howard: Did Penny tell you about that?
Leonard: No. Steve Patterson told me.
Howard: The greasy old fat guy in Facilities Management?
Leonard: Yeah.
Howard: How’d he know about it?
Leonard: He's Glacinda the troll.

Penny: Hey, this is a little awkward, but my manager says I can't actually give nachos away. So, just take that [bill] when you're ready.

Howard: Okay, fine. I'll admit, there are dark, sordid little corners of the Internet where the name Wolowizard is whispered in hushed tones. But the only reason I go there, the only reason I've ever gone there is because I don't have a real woman in my life. You happy?

Howard: How have you been?
Bernadette: Okay. You know, busy, school, work. You?
Howard: Same. I took a scuba-diving course over the summer, but it turns out I'm terrified of the ocean.
Bernadette: Too bad.
Howard: You wouldn't know anybody who wants to buy a wet suit, boy's large? Yeah, forget it. Not important.

Sheldon: How did you even get it in here?
Raj: That's for me, Ramon, Julio, Jesus and Rodrigo to know and you to find out.

Sheldon: This isn't a desk. This is a Brobdingnagian monstrosity.
Raj: Is that the American idiom for giant, big-ass desk?
Sheldon: It's actually British.
Raj: Can you say it again for me?
Sheldon: Brobdingnagian.
Raj: One more time?
Sheldon: Brobdingnagian.
Raj: Now three times fast?
Sheldon: Brobdingnagian, Brobdingna-

Howard: Well, you know World of Warcraft?
Penny: Um, the online game? Sure.
Howard: Well, did you know that the characters in the game can have sex with each other?
Penny: Oh, God. I think I see where this is going.
Howard: Her name was Glacinda the Troll. Bernadette walked in on me while we were doing the cyber-nasty under the Bridge of Souls.
Penny: Oh, you're right. That is so embarrassing.
Howard: Would you talk to her?
Penny: Bernadette or the troll?

Howard: Will you talk to her, see if there's any chance at all we could get back together?
Penny: Oh, gee, Howard, I really don't want to get in the middle of this.
Howard: No. Why would you? I'm just another lonely nerd, living with his mother, trying to find any scrap of happiness he can. You know, maybe to make up for the fact that his dad left him when he was 11.
Penny: Okay, I will think about it.
Howard: You know, I've always blamed myself for him leaving. I always thought it was because I wasn't the son he wanted.
Penny: Yeah, I said I'd think about it.
Howard: I wasn't athletic, yeah, I was kind of sickly.
Penny: Okay, fine. Look, look, I'm calling her now! See?
Howard: Thank you.

Penny: Hey, while we're on the subject, why did you guys break up anyway?
Howard: Oh, I'd rather not say.
Penny: Howard, if you want my help, I've got to know what happened.
Howard: But it's embarrassing.
Penny: Yeah, that's what I'm counting on.

Raj: You're being unreasonable. Why can't I have a desk?
Sheldon: Our collaboration is a work of the mind. We don't need desks.
Raj: You have a desk.
Sheldon: Correct.
Raj: But I can't have one.
Sheldon: You're two for two.

Leonard: So you want to get back together with her, but you're too ashamed to face her because of whatever it is you did.
Howard: In a nutshell.
Leonard: Okay. Well, how about this? Kidnap Bernadette from the opera wearing a creepy mask so she doesn't know it's you.
Howard: Now, you see, I don't know if you're kidding or not.

Howard: I just have a question. Does Bernadette ever talk about me?
Penny: Oh, absolutely.
Howard: She does?
Penny: Yeah, sure. Just yesterday, she asked, why is Howard hiding under the table?
Howard: She saw that, huh?
Penny: Oh, no, not at first. Right after I pointed it out.