Amy: A guest in my trundle bed and a boy at my door. I wish I could tell thirteen-year-old me it does get better.

Mary Cooper: Lord, Mary Cooper here, coming to you from Gomorrah, California.

Penny: Sheldon, that's not what girlfriends are for. Although you don't use them for what they're for, so what do I know?

Leonard: Sheldon, you do this all the time! You fixate on some crazy idea then blow it way out of proportion.
Sheldon: Name one time I've ever done that.
Leonard: How about the time you put GPS trackers in your garbage because you thought North Korean spies were stealing your doodles? The chicken nuggets you thought were human nuggets. The mysterious cloud that was following you around town. Or the time you put my shirt on by accident and thought you were growing again.
Sheldon: I said name one. You need to work on your listening skills.

Leonard: Do you think we can outrun him?
Sheldon: I don't need to outrun him, I just need to outrun you.

Sheldon: I can't seem to get in touch with Amy. I tried e-mail, video chat, tweeting her, posting on her Facebook wall,texting her, nothing.
Leonard: Did you try calling her on the telephone?
Sheldon: The telephone. You know, Leonard, in your own simple way, you may be the wisest of us all.

Sheldon: I'm the guy.
Penny: You're not the guy.
Sheldon: Are you sure? It would explain so much. Your constant presence in my apartment. That baffling dalliance with Leonard just to be near me. The way you call me sweetie all the time.
Penny: I call everyone sweetie.
Sheldon: You tramp.

Amy: The only person who signed my yearbook was my mother. "Dear Amy, self respect and a hymen are far better than friends and fun. Love, mom."

Leonard: You're talking like a crazy person.
Mary: Actually, I had him tested as a child. Doctor says he's fine.
Sheldon: Told ya.
Mary Cooper: Although, I do regret not following up with that specialist in Houston.

Sheldon: I present to you the Relationship Agreement. A binding covenant that in its 31 pages enumerates, illuminates and codifies the responsibilities of Sheldon Lee Cooper - hereinafter referred to as the "Boyfriend" - and Amy Farrah Fowler - hereinafter referred to as the "Girlfriend.
Amy: That's so romantic!
Sheldon: Mutual indemnification always is.

Sheldon: Gotta run. (Looks down at scissors) But not with scissors, that would be unsafe.

Penny: Did Sheldon change the Wi-Fi password again?
Leonard: Yeah, it's "Penny already eats our food she can pay for Wi-Fi". No spaces.

Sheldon: Frankly, Mom, I'm encouraged to see how advanced your group has become -- willing to sail into the ocean without fear of falling off the edge.

Leonard: We'll miss you Sheldon.
Sheldon: Yeah, well, who wants to spend the whole weekend, running around a bunch of pretend planets, battling made up monsters? That's for babies.
Howard: Yeah, but it's got lightsabers.
Sheldon: Please, Amy! It's got lightsabers!

Stuart: I'll ring it up. It's like shooting nerds in a barrel.