Leonard: I'm sorry. The bride and groom seem happy.
Amy: Why shouldn't they be? They have a feverish night of socially-approved copulation ahead of them. In some cultures, we'd stand outside of their bedroom cheering as they achieved orgasm.
Leonard: That sounds like a late night, and I have work in the morning, so...

Howard: Ready for bed?
Bernadette: No. I need to brush my teeth, but your mother's been in the bathroom for, like, an hour.
Howard: Oh. Yeah, she sometimes has problems doing her business. Hang on. Ma, give up! Tonight's not your night!
Mrs. Wolowitz: You don't know that! I just sat down!

Howard: Come on, take a break! Bernadette needs to brush her teeth!
Mrs. Wolowitz: She can come in and brush her teeth! I'm not embarrassed!
Howard: Problem solved.
Bernadette: No, it's not. I'm not going in there.
Howard: Oh, come on, honey. She's just sitting in there reading a magazine. You can't see anything. I go in all the time.

Mrs. Wolowitz: Ha! The eagle has landed!
Howard: And we have splashdown. Wait here, I'm gonna go light a candle. And then we make passionate love.

Leonard: I did have a great time. Thank you for reminding me it's okay to have fun once in a while.
Amy: You're welcome.
Leonard: And also for breaking the head off the ice swan so I could hold it against my pulled groin.
Amy: I excel at spatial reasoning, and I had a hunch that the graceful slope of its neck would cradle your genitals nicely.

Penny: How was the wedding?
Amy: Great. Until I accidentally made Leonard fall in love with me.
Penny: Come in, let's talk. Do you want a glass of wine?
Amy: Wine is one of the reasons I'm in this fix. That and this dang pelvis.
Penny: Okay, I'm sorry, what exactly happened?
Amy: The inevitable. He was lonely and vulnerable from missing his girlfriend, while I was charming, supportive and, let's face it, in this dress, the perfect combination of Madonna and whore.

Penny: Oh, God, did he make a move on you?
Amy: No, but it's only a matter of time. How could I have not seen this coming? Now I'm gonna have to break the little sad sack’s heart.
Penny: Yeah, I'm sure he'll be okay.
Amy: Oh, Penny, much as I would treasure knowing that the two of us had been defiled by the same man, Leonard just doesn't get my motor running.

Penny: So, um, what are you gonna do? Do you want me to talk to Leonard, let him down easy?
Amy: No. I'll let him have tonight. Then in the morning, I'll send him an e-mail letting him know this body is never gonna be his wonderland. I mean, frankly, you've got a better shot than he does.

Leonard: You're a woman, and I'm going to make you feel things you have never felt before. That's right, say my name, and beg me for more because I'm going to give it to you.

Penny: What's up, buttercup?

Sheldon: I've been sitting in garbage!

Amy: Kiss me where I've never been kissed before?
Sheldon: You mean like Salt Lake City?

Sheldon: If your video's frozen try re-setting the TCP/IP stack.

Amy: You are aware that your ritualistic knocking behavior is symptomatic of obsessive-compulsive disorder?
Sheldon: Is not. Is not. Is not.
Amy: Denial. Denial. Denial.

Leonard: Sheldon, you do this all the time! You fixate on some crazy idea then blow it way out of proportion.
Sheldon: Name one time I've ever done that.
Leonard: How about the time you put GPS trackers in your garbage because you thought North Korean spies were stealing your doodles? The chicken nuggets you thought were human nuggets. The mysterious cloud that was following you around town. Or the time you put my shirt on by accident and thought you were growing again.
Sheldon: I said name one. You need to work on your listening skills.