Amy: There's not a hair on my body I wouldn't let this woman trim.

Sheldon: Remarkable. Diamonds. Crystalized carbon. Every day, people go to the grocery store and come home with sacks full of carbon, in the form of charcoal brickets, which they toss in their barbecues and set on fire. But just because you have some carbon with the atoms stacked neatly, you expect me to plunk down thousands of dollars.

Penny: Leonard, you're looking for a way to sleep with both women and have everybody be happy about it.
Leonard: Now we're getting somewhere.
Penny: What does your gut tell you?
Leonard: Go ask Penny; she'll know what to do.

Amy: Sheldon, sometimes you forget, I'm a lady. And, with that comes an estrogen- fueled need to page through thick glossy magazines that make me hate my body.

Sheldon: I always thought if I were enslaved, it would be by an advanced species from another planet. Not some hotsie-totsie from Glendale.

Kripke: Well, as long as we're here, I might as well take a leak.
Sheldon: Kripke, you're in my spot.

Sheldon: I thought where you come from they don't have emotions.
Spock Doll: I come from a factory in Taiwan.

Amy: Kiss me where I've never been kissed before?
Sheldon: You mean like Salt Lake City?

Leonard: I'm going to the movies with Penny. I don't want her to think I think it's a date.
Sheldon: Do you think it's a date?
Leonard: No, but she might think I think it's a date even though I don't.
Sheldon: Or you might think she thinks you think it's a date even though she doesn't.
Leonard: Are we over thinking this?
Sheldon: Not at all.

Sheldon: (knock, knock, knock) Penny!
(knock, knock, knock) Amy!
(knock, knock, knock) Bernadette!

(Amy & Sheldon are awkwardly cuddling.)
Amy: I'm just saying, second base is right there.

Sheldon: I'm not going to say I told you so, but we could have killed him.

Sheldon: Gotta run. (Looks down at scissors) But not with scissors, that would be unsafe.

Mrs. Wolowitz Has she tried on the vest yet?
Howard: I just gave it to her.
Mrs. Wolowitz I hope it fits. She's a tricky figure. She's short and stacked, like me.

Mary Cooper: Sheldon, your friend is hurting. What do we do when someone's hurtin'?
Sheldon: Offer them a hot beverage.
Mary Cooper: And when they're drunk as a skunk, what beverage do we offer?
Sheldon: Coffee.
Mary Cooper: And what do we do it with?
*Sheldon smiles*