Leonard: Okay. You want to start loading this stuff into the truck?
Howard: Yeah, I guess. Hey, would you do me a favor? Go on ahead. I just want one last moment alone in my old room.
Leonard: We're not standing outside by the U-Haul while you fondle yourself.
Howard: Fine, let's go.

Penny: Fine, it bothers me a little. No. You know what? This is stupid. It doesn't bother me. Okay, it bothers me. But only because she wouldn't stop laughing. Leonard is not that funny.
Amy: And there you have it, prefrontal cortex reasoning versus limbic lust. If this were a boxing match, they might call it the thrilla adjacent to the amygdala. If you were a brain scientist, you would be busting a gut right now.

Howard: I remember when I was five, hiding under this desk with all my Halloween candy. Had some Peanut M&Ms, went into my first anaphylactic shock and had to be rushed to the hospital. Came home, celebrated with a Snickers, went into my second anaphylactic shock.
Raj: When did you figure out you were allergic to nuts?
Howard: Sometime around the third Almond Joy.

Raj: Wow. An end of an era.
Howard: Boy, if these walls could talk.
Leonard: They'd say, why does he touch himself so much?
Howard: Yeah.

Sheldon: I'll walk you through it. This game is not called Words with Strangers. No, it's not even called Words with Acquaintances. It's called Words with-
Raj: I'm not finishing your sentence. You pulled the plug on my funk.
Sheldon: Friends! It's Words with Friends. Which Stephen Hawking and I officially are. Now all I need is a bunk bed with a slide, and I'll have everything I've ever wanted since I was six years old.

Sheldon: Earlier today, I invited Professor Stephen Hawking to join me in the popular online game Words with Friends. Moments ago, he accepted my request. Do you understand what that means?
Howard: That somewhere right now Stephen Hawking is saying, "Damn it, I mean to click no."

Amy: As you know, I had planned a traditional evening of romance and gifts.
Sheldon: Yes, and as you know, I planned to pretend to enjoy it. I've been working on this facial expression all day.
Amy: And I appreciate your effort, but upon contemplation, I decided I was being selfish. So, I canceled our dinner reservations and came up with an even better way to celebrate Valentine's Day.
Sheldon: What is that?
Amy: By doing none of it. No dinner, no romance, no gifts. We stay here, order a pizza and watch one of your beloved Star War Trek things.

Sheldon: Okay, stop ruining Valentine's day and order my pizza.

Bernadette: Who's involved?
Sheldon: Well, a short bespectacled colleague of mine who lives in the shadow of his brilliant roommate. Let's call this colleague Ricardo Shilly-Shally.
Penny: You're talking about Leonard.
Sheldon: No, no, Shilly-Shally has red hair and he briefly served in the Mexican Navy.

Sheldon: Professor Proton hosted my favorite science show when I was a child. I never missed an episode. He demonstrated scientific principles using everyday objects.
Leonard: It was pretty cool.
Penny: Aw, it's so cute when you use the word cool wrong. Like when kids say pasgetti.

Professor Proton: Okay, as, as I put the egg on top, and, and the flame goes out and, and, and the air pressure decreases in, in the flask, what do you think will happen?
Penny: I think I know.
Sheldon: It's gonna get sucked in. It's going to get sucked in.
Penny: Okay, I didn't know.
Sheldon: Yes!
Penny: See, I'm not a scientist like them.
Professor Proton: I, I figured that out.

Amy: Check this out. I took the liberty of scripting a new outgoing voice mail message for both of us.
Sheldon: Hello. This is Sheldon.
Amy: And this is Amy.
Sheldon: We're not home right now.
Amy: 'cause we out dropping science, son.
Both: Leave a message.
Amy: Beep.

Sheldon: This is the most thoughtful gift that anyone's ever given me. And that's including an amazing gift that I gave myself earlier today.

Mike Rostenkowski: So, why'd you agree to come?
Howard: 'Cause Bernadette made me.
Mike Rostenkowski: I tried to back out, too. My wife said I had to go.
Howard: Really? Your wife makes you do stuff? You're a big, scary cop.
Mike Rostenkowski: You're an astronaut, and your wife makes you do things, and she's only four feet tall.

Bernadette: Sheldon, I've been cooking all day.
Sheldon: Well, now don't you feel silly.
Bernadette: (To Howard) Show him the closet.