Bernadette: Saturday night? But I've been working late all week. That was gonna be our night.
Howard: But I have to go. We play as a group. If I'm not there, then everyone will blame you. They'll be all, Bernadette ruined everything. She's the worst. So, you see? I have to play Dungeons and Dragons for the marriage.
Bernadette: You're an idiot.
Howard: I'm your idiot. Forever!

Sheldon: Fun? Mixing Dungeons and Dragons with Christmas is like making a sandwich of grape jelly, the best-tasting jelly, and petroleum jelly, the worst-tasting jelly.

Amy: Oh, great! I've always wanted to play Dungeons and Dragons.
Sheldon: Yeah, oh, Im sorry. I should've mentioned this earlier. You're not invited.
Amy: Why not?
Sheldon: Amy, from time to time, we men need to break free from the shackles of civility and get in touch with our primal animalistic selves.
Amy: By rolling dice and playing make-believe with little figurines?
Sheldon: Yeah, like a bunch of savages.

Leonard: Oh, before I forget, Saturday I'm planning a little Dungeons and Dragons night with the guys.
Penny: Really? That's how you're gonna spend your Saturday night?
Leonard: Oh, come on, I hardly ever get a chance to play anymore.
Penny: Oh, you poor thing. Is having a real-life girlfriend who has sex with you getting in the way of your board games?
Leonard: Little bit, yeah.

Penny: Okay, now holding sides of hearth in position, lower mantelpiece assembly onto top tabs.
Leonard: Look at that! I built a fireplace with my own two hands.
Penny: You're so butch.
Leonard: Aw, I got a little paper cut.
Penny: Of course you did. Your hands are softer than veal.

Bert: (To Lucy, after speaking to Raj) You can do better!

Bert: May I join you?
Raj: No, you can’t join us. Just go climb back up whatever beanstalk you came down from.

Raj: Excuse me, I’m meeting a girl here. It’s kind of our first date.
Bert: In a library?
Raj: She and I are both a little awkward in social situations, so this seemed like a good idea.
Bert: People say I’m a little awkward, too.

Howard: He's just decided that he'll never leave his apartment ever again.
Sheldon: Oh, good, I've been itching to pull that trigger.

Sheldon: *knock*.
Penny: Hey, what's up?
Sheldon: Ummmm.
Penny: You want me to close the door so you can do your knocking thing?

Bernadette: Smells ripe in here. You can kinda feel it in your eyes.

Howard: Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.
Raj: Everything okay?

Sheldon: Penny, we’re in the red zone. The white zone is for loading and unloading. We’re breaking the law.

Amy: Ignore him. He's a little nervous 'cause he doesn't think I understand the severity of your social anxiety.
Raj: What the? Are you crazy? You can't talk about social anxiety to someone who has social anxiety. It makes them socially anxious!

Leonard: Anyway, you guys really don't need to make a big deal.
Sheldon: Leonard, you're being selfish. We need to give you a proper send-off so we'll have closure when you die at sea and crabs eat your face.
Penny: Sheldon, sweetie, shut up.