Penny: Get away from me or I swear to God I will rip out what's left of your pubes!

Leonard: All right, you brought this on yourself. Sheldon, get him.
Sheldon: If a zombie bites you, you turn into a zombie. However, if a mummy bites you, all you turn into is some schmo with a mummy bite. So, like a zombie that's been eaten from the waist down, you, sir, have no leg to stand on.

Leonard: Howard did go to the International Space Station.
Sheldon: Yeah, that was five weeks ago. How much longer is he gonna milk that cow?

Sheldon: Payback, it truly is the B word, isn't it?

Howard: Fine, I'm taking your diploma.
Sheldon: Go ahead. That's the only doctorate you'll ever get.

Amy: I guess this is what we get for being with two testosterone-fueled alpha males. At some point, they're bound to lock horns.
Penny: I'm assuming these are some kind of horns they bought at Comic-Con?

Sheldon: You know, surprisingly, the letter from your father wasn't the most interesting thing I read in the closet. Bernadette's diary has some saucy passages.
Bernadette: Sheldon, don't you dare.
Sheldon: There's nothing to worry about. Your secret's safe with me.
Bernadette: That's more like it.
Sheldon: Although copyright law would allow me to quote snippets in the context of a review.

Raj: Now, the first thing we need is a theme. I'm thinking turn-of-the-century Moulin Rouge.
Leonard: I'm thinking you need a testosterone patch.

Sheldon: What can I do for you ladies?
Amy: You have something we want.
Sheldon: Oh, dear. My mother warned me this is what happens to pretty boys in the big city.
Penny: No, we just want information.
Sheldon: Oh. I've got that spades. Ravage me.

Sheldon: I would like to change mine. The pirate's name was Peg-Leg Antoine. Now it's completely different from Goonies.
Amy: No, it's not.
Sheldon: Don't.

Sheldon: It was a map leading to the lost treasure of the famous pirate One-Eyed Willy.
Howard: Nice try. That's the plot for Goonies.

Sheldon: My shirt is itchy and I wish I were dead.

Raj: These spring rolls are amazing. Good job, Bernadette.
Bernadette: That's the takeout that Sheldon brought.
Raj: Oh, well, I'm sure they wouldn't have tasted nearly as good if I hadn't tried your food first.

Bernadette: Sheldon, I've been cooking all day.
Sheldon: Well, now don't you feel silly.
Bernadette: (To Howard) Show him the closet.

Amy: His quirks just make you love him more. Someone please agree with me.