Sheldon: I am not a loser. Pictionary is not a true test of any real intelligence or skill.
Leonard: Mmm. In all fairness, Pictionary has verbal skills, visual skills. It's a pretty well-rounded game.
Sheldon: Lot of big talk from a man who can't draw a chocolate chip cookie.

Amy: Why don't we do something athletic like go over to the university pool and play water polo?
Leonard: No good, Sheldon doesn't float.
Sheldon: That is true. I have a higher than normal body density. If I run too deep a bath, I drown.

Amy: All right, let's keep it simple. How about darts?
Sheldon: No, that's not fair either.
Penny: Why not?
Sheldon: Darts is a bar game. You've been frequenting drinking establishments since you were of legal age.
Leonard: Yeah, that's when it started.

Sheldon: Well, regardless, she has a distinct advantage in all tavern-based competitions. Pool, beer pong, wet T-shirt contests, they're all out.
Penny: Okay. Just for the record, I have never entered a wet T-shirt contest. I've won a few, but that's just because I spill when I'm drunk, so...

Howard: Hey, Ma, twinkle, twinkle, your little star is home. (Fails to open the door) Ma, the chain's on the door.
Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard? I thought I wasn't going to see you till tomorrow.
Howard: Yeah, well, Bernie's not feeling well. So I thought I'd stop by, tell you about the greatest adventure of my life, see if you can make me feel bad about it.
Mrs. Wolowitz: Uh, uh, okay. Hold on, I'm not decent.
Howard: All right. (Speaking to himself) Woman hasn't tied her robe in 20 years. Suddenly she's not decent?

Howard: Dr. Schneider?
Dr. Schneider: Oh, hello, Howard.
Howard: What are you doing here?
Dr. Schneider: Um, house call.
Howard: Youre a dentist.
Dr. Schneider: Yes. Yes, I am. (Shouting to Mrs. Wolowitz) I think he's on to us!

Sheldon: Hurry up, find him, find him.
Leonard: I'm trying. Don't yell at me.
Sheldon: For goodness' sake, he's wearing a hat, glasses, and a red striped shirt.
Leonard: I know what he looks like.
Amy: Oh, there he is, I got him.
Penny: Yes, we win again.
Sheldon: How could you not find him?
Leonard: Because he's hard to find. If he was easy to find, the books would be called There's Waldo!

Raj: Oh, my God, you're back. Oh, look at you. You, you look like you grew.
Howard: Yeah. The lack of gravity did decompress my spine, so I'm like an inch and a half taller. I'm going to the DMV tomorrow to get my license changed before I shrink back.

Raj: Oh, uh, come in, come in. Oh, I, uh, I didn't think I was going to get to see you until tomorrow.
Howard: Yeah, well, Bernadette's a little under the weather and my mom's kind of under my dentist.
Raj: Wait, your, your mother is sleeping with your dentist?
Howard: Former dentist. I need a new one now that I know where his hands have been.

Raj: So you're wandering all around by yourself? That's not the kind of hero's welcome an astronaut should come home to.
Howard: It's okay. You know, we space cowboys don't do what we do for glory and fame. We leave that to your rock stars and your athletes and your Howie Mandels.

Sheldon: Oh, ow, blueberry in my nose, blueberry in my nose!
Leonard: Snort it down and keep eating!

Stuart: "To Stuart, your comic book store is out of this world. Just like the guy in this picture was."
Sheldon: For the record, he also thinks Walgreens and the dry cleaners are out of this world.
Howard: That's not true. At Walgreens I was over the moon for their store-brand antacids.

Bernadette: I just think in relationships you get back what you put into them.
Amy: That's not always true. Last night, I gave Sheldon my best come-hither look, and he responded by explaining how wheat came to be cultivated.

Amy: I think I'm gonna try green tea mixed with lemon zinger.
Sheldon: Two tea bags in one cup? You're not at a rave.

Sheldon: Couples costumes are one of the few benefits of being in a relationship. Now imagine this, you and I entering Stuart's party and all eyes turn to see America's most beloved and glamorous couple.
Amy: Yeah?
Sheldon: R2-D2 and C-3PO. Dibs on 3PO.