Howard: He's upset because he can't get anywhere with women.
Sheldon: Would it help if I gave him some pointers?
I'm just funnin' ya.

Howard: Raj is a proud, passionate man. If you go running out on him again, you're only gonna get like three of four more chances before you are history.

Leonard: So, Amy, what's going on with your addiction study?
Amy: Sadly, I'm no longer associated wtih that project.
Leonard: Why? What happened.
Amy: Typical bureaucratic nonsense. You can get animals addicted to a harmful substance, you can dissect their brains, but you throw their own faeces back at them and suddenly you're unprofessional.

Sheldon: Hello, I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper. Welcome to Sheldon Cooper presents Fun with Flags. My apologies that this episode is coming late. I did shoot one last week in honor of Black History month, but I was informed by my roommate that my spot-on portrayal of George Washington Carver could be considered "wildly racist".

Bernadette: Smells ripe in here. You can kinda feel it in your eyes.

Howard: He's just decided that he'll never leave his apartment ever again.
Sheldon: Oh, good, I've been itching to pull that trigger.

Leonard: I'm thinking one way to counter bias in the peer-review process is for papers to be submitted under gender-neutral names. Like S. Smith instead of Samantha Smith.
Sheldon: I supposed there is a history for professional women using their initials so as not to be pre-judged. Harry Potter's J.K. Rowling, Star Trek's D.C. Fontana.
Howard: Van Nuys pole dancer D.D. Melons.

Leonard: Guys, please don't make this a school project where I'm the smartest kid doing all the work while the slackers sit back and watch.
Sheldon: We're not. This time you're the smart kid doing all the work while the even smarter kids sit back and watch.
Howard: So, you think I'm one of the smarter kids?
Sheldon: No, you're a tool I was using to make my point.

Raj: Thanks again for letting me crash girls' night.
Penny: Are you kidding? You brought fancy wine and made fondue. I've slept with guys for less.
It's a joke. Based on real events.

Penny: So blow off work and go on a weekday.
Amy: Hooky? I've never played hooky in my life. My mom said that's how girls end up addicted to reefer and jazz music.

Leonard: It's nice of your old school to let us try out our science talk on some female students.
Howard: Well, they're actually pretty excited. I'm their most famous alum. If you don't count the serial killer who ate all those prostitutes.

Raj: Excuse me, I’m meeting a girl here. It’s kind of our first date.
Bert: In a library?
Raj: She and I are both a little awkward in social situations, so this seemed like a good idea.
Bert: People say I’m a little awkward, too.

Bert: (To Lucy, after speaking to Raj) You can do better!

Bert: May I join you?
Raj: No, you can’t join us. Just go climb back up whatever beanstalk you came down from.

Raj: These spring rolls are amazing. Good job, Bernadette.
Bernadette: That's the takeout that Sheldon brought.
Raj: Oh, well, I'm sure they wouldn't have tasted nearly as good if I hadn't tried your food first.