Sheldon: Oh really, Leonard? Are you going to have another one of your hissy fits?
Leonard: Hissy fits? I have hissy fits?
Sheldon: Yes, and I have a theory why. Because of your lactose intolerance, you switched over to soy milk. Soy contains estrogen-mimicking compounds. I think your morning Cocoa Puffs are turning you into a hysterical woman.

Amy: What if you could find a roommate who was a scientist and already familiar and comfortable with your ways.
Sheldon: That would be ideal. If a person like that existed, I would sign on, no further questions asked.
Amy: Great. Here I am!
Sheldon: Wait. Here who is where?
Amy: Me. Aren't I your perfect roommate?
Sheldon: Um...
Amy: Think about it, Sheldon. I'm not a stranger, we're both intellectually compatible, I'm willing to chauffeur you around town, and your personality quirks, which others find abhorrent and rage-inducing, I find cute as a button. What do you think?
Sheldon: Um.
Amy: Tell me one reason why this isn't a fantastic idea.
Sheldon: Um.
Amy: See? You can't. I'm gonna go see if Leonard's room is big enough for my water bed.
Sheldon: Um.

Raj: Oh man, first monster I see I'm gonna sneak up behind him, whip out my wand and shoot my magic all over his ass!
Stuart: Do you hear yourself when you say these things?

Sheldon: They can't just cancel a show like Alpha, you know. They have to help the viewers let go. Firefly did a movie to wrap things up. Buffy the Vampire Slayer continued on as a comic book. Heroes gradually lowered the quality season by season 'til we were grateful it ended.

Sheldon: Who would win in a fight, you or a shark?

Raj: I'm unlovable.
Penny: It's just the booze talking.
Raj: I haven't had a drink since last night.
Penny: You're talking to me!
Raj: I am! Now I'm crying for a whole different reason.
Penny: Me too.

Penny: I got a new bikini. The drinks at the pool will be brought to you by these.

Bernadette: I've got a sexy new tube top that says come hither and a bottle of pepper spray that says close enough, Jack!

Sheldon: I've never played Dungeons and Dragons with girls.
Penny: It's okay, honey, no one has.

Penny: But if you dont mind me asking, uh, the potato clock, how does it work? Is it a trick clock or a trick potato?

Leonard: If they didn't want to be yelled at by crazy nerds they shouldn't have started the Syfy channel.

Leonard: What are you doing?
Wolowitz: Well, he wasn't using it, and I needed some cool leather to wiggle my naked ass on.

Sheldon: Well, that's a fine how-do-you-do. (To Amy) Don't just stand there. Take your breasts out.

Barry Kripke: I'd love to babysit for you. Kids love me. Something about me just makes them waff and waff.

Sheldon: I must say, I go back and fourth between this whole boyfriend-girlfriend thing, but those moments when you worship me really keep you in the running