Sheldon: I hate to pile on the bad news, but I just got a raise.

Sheldon: Look, a new topical antihistamine with lidocaine. Wow! I can't wait 'til I get a rash.

Leonard: Ooh, Gasex has a new ultra-strength. I guess they really do read their mail.

Sheldon: Hey, isn't that Professor Proton?
Leonard: Oh, yeah.
Sheldon: Look at him just standing in line, like he wasn't moderately famous thirty years ago.
Sheldon: Let's go say hello.
Leonard: Oh, maybe we shouldn't bother him.
Sheldon: I'm not going to bother him. I'm going to talk to him.
Leonard: He thinks there's a difference.

Raj: Excuse me, I happen to be very comfortable with my masculinity.
Howard: How is that possible?

Amy: How do you not know how to use glue? Did you ditch pre-school?
Penny: Yeah, but only because I was dating a second-grader.

Bill Nye: Wow, Arthur Jeffries. It's an honor to meet you. My show would never have happened without yours.
Professor Proton: That's what I told my lawyers.

Howard: Look who's here to put the Jew in Jewellery night.

Leonard: Thank you for all your help.
Penny: Sorry if you didn't think we were taking it seriously. We love animals.
Yvette: Oh, do you guys own any pets?
Penny: No.
Yvette: Good.

Penny: Look, I'm telling you I've done it. I clearly remember the cow standing up and then a cow on its side.
Leonard: Were you drunk?
Penny: I was sixteen and in Nebraska, what do you think?
Leonard: I think you're the one who fell over.
Penny: Well that would explain why the sky was also on its side.

Sheldon: My point is you're going to need to be careful. You used to be protected by your pre-enlightenment mythology. But now you're going to need a stronger friend, named latex.
Mary: Are you having the sex talk with me?
Sheldon: Well someone has to.
Mary: Oh, dear Lord.
Sheldon: No, don't look to him. He's mad at you right now.

Beverly Hofstadter: Let me save you all of your hemming and hawing. Sheldon already told me that you and Penny are engaged.
Leonard: I hate that you talk to him more than you talk to me.
Beverly Hofstadter: Would you like for me and you to talk more?
Leonard: You know, it's probably fine.

Leonard: I don't know. The bisexual, gorilla, go-go dancer in Schindler's list is tough to beat.

Raj: I'd like for at least one of us to see some action, so if you guys happen to have sex it's cool if she stays in the room.
Penny: Same goes for the two of you (Howard & Bernadette) with Amy.

Bernadette: Those tickets were pretty expensive. I had to give Howie an advance on his allowance. Now he's never going to put his toys away.