Howard: Since we all agree Episode 1 isn't our favorite, why not just skip it this time?
Sheldon: Howard, I think you of all people should avoid espousing the principle that if something is not our favorite we should just get rid of it.

Stuart: What did you put for your best feature?
Raj: My parents' money. What did you put for your best feature?
Stuart: I put "not applicable".

Sheldon: You know, riding with Leonard has got a little tedious lately. The only car game he ever wants to play is the quiet game. And he's terrible at it, I always win.

Sheldon: If it makes you feel any better, Amy and I are fine. I mean really good.

Sheldon: Gentlemen, please. Leonard is trying to walk a mile in my metaphorical shoes. He can't walk in my actual shoes, he has the feet of a toddler.

Penny: Doing laundry?
Sheldon: Of course I'm doing laundry. Saturday night is laundry night and I'm in a laundry room, so I believe your inference is justified.
Penny: Oh, "My inference is justified", Sheldon you are so funny!

Amy: I think I have you both beat. Imagine trying to be a grown up when you've never even been with a man.
Penny: Sex is not what makes you a grown up.
Bernadette: Yeah, or you'd be the oldest one here.
Penny: Really? Is that how you talk to your mother?

Sheldon: My spot on the couch has a great view of a window. Sometimes I can see space battles through it. It's called a TV.

Penny: I don't know what to say.
Leonard: Don't say anything. ... I mean you could say thank you, I did just buy you a car.

Barry Kripke: Excuse me, fellas. Sorry for eavesdropping, but there actually was some big string theory news out of the Hadron Collider.
Sheldon: Really? Did they find evidence to support extra dimensions or super-symmetry?
Barry Kripke: No, but they did find evidence you'll believe anything

Penny: I get it. I know what it's like to put your heart and soul into something and get nothing out of it.
Sheldon: You mean your acting career?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: Your relationship with Leonard?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: Your failed attempt to go back to college?
Penny: No!

Sheldon: What can we do that's fun?
Leonard: What can we do that's different?
Penny: What can we do that's free?

Sheldon: Oh, I'm not going to the funeral.
Amy: Why not?
Sheldon: All those people blowing their noses. You can't tell the sick from the sad.

Sheldon: Perhaps I'll spend some time devising a unified theory of comedy, which will allow me to elicit laughter from anybody at any time. Unless they're German, because that's a tough crowd.

Amy: Where are we going with this Dr. Cooper?
Sheldon: Oh please, I'm your boyfriend. Call me Sheldon.