Wil Wheaton: Forget it, man. It's crap. Just move on to the next thing.
Penny: It's easy for you to say. You used to be famous.
Wil Wheaton: Hey, I just lost a job for you.
Penny: Okay, I'm sorry. You're famous.

Leonard: What about when you did Anne Frank at that cute little theater?
Penny: It was above a bowling alley.
Leonard: Yeah, but there was ample parking.

Leonard: Come on. How can you be sad when you're going home with all five foot six of this?
Penny: You think you're five foot six? That's funny.

Sheldon: [President Siebert said] that everybody has to do things they don't want to do. He then gave an example of something he had to do although he didn't want to. And that was look at my stupid face.
Leonard: That's a rude thing to say ... out loud.

Sheldon: It's an outrage. Honestly, I am tempted to leave the university.
Howard: You know, if you're really serious about that I hear there are some exciting opportunities in home care for the old and fat.

Beverly Hofstadter: Hello, Leonard.
Leonard: Hi, mom. I have some exciting news.
Beverly Hofstadter: I'm listening.
Leonard: Before I tell you, will you promise to try and be happy for me and keep any concerns you have to yourself?
Beverly Hofstadter: No.

Amy: You hate the sound of all those keys on his keychain.
Sheldon: Four keys! Who does he think he is? A warden?

Amy: He's mad at you, too. He says you're the succubus who led his friend astray.
Penny: I don't know what succubus is, but it has "suck" in it so that can't be good.

Stuart: Aw man, if I'd started this years ago I'd be divorced two or three times by now.

Leonard: I'm so proud of you.
Penny: They haven't even got to my scene yet.
Leonard: I know, but you're going to be a TV star and you haven't left me yet. That takes guts!

Leonard: (on the phone) Yes, how much for 100 long-stem red roses? Really? How much for three?

Leonard: Oh, okay. Good, good. So it's cool if I cry a little?
Penny: Yeah, I probably wouldn't.
Leonard: Yeah ... *wipes tears from his right eye*.

Amy: FYI, I had a donut for breakfast, you jerk.

Raj: You think you're so cool because your wife is a person?

Leonard: Come on, not that book! It's got like every horrible story from my childhood in it.
Penny: Oh cool, are there pictures?